A Pirate's Life A pirate goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender says: "Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?" " Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off". "What about the eye-patch?". "I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye". "Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?" "Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".