This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate. There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him. ""So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a peg leg- how did that come about?"" ""Well, y'see I were sailing along the coast of South Africa, looking to plunder some locals when as I boarded the small boat from the ship, a great white shark came up and got my leg clean off. 'twas scary yes, but thus is the life of a pirate."" ""Wow, that is pretty scary- well, how about your hook? What happened to your hand with that?"" ""Oh now that's quite the tale, y'see I were fighting a rival pirate, and we had locked swords. We had been fighting for a few hours, and were both terribly fatigued. I had a bit of exhaustion and confusion, and when I went to block one of his sword blows, I met him with me hand instead of me sword. Took it right off, but it shocked him so much I managed to get him back pretty good and have him submit. So the hook hand was given as a replacement."" ""Wow. Simply fascinating. Now, what about your eye patch? How did that happen?"" ""Well, one day, a seagull was flying overhead, and I looked up. It pooped right in me eye."" ""... Well wow. I must admit, I wouldn't think just seagull poop could damage the eye that badly."" ""Oh, I forgot to mention... it were me first day with the hook.""