cop: "you kinda look like one that's all" me: "in no way am i a pirate" cop: "hmm, are you sure?" parrot on my shoulder: "did he stutter?"

Boss: Are you high? Me: [trying to photocopy a dog] are you a cop?

[Police sketch artist job interview] "How am I not qualified?" Your resume is a stick figure and a poorly drawn igloo "It's a cat actually"

A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?