America Jokes

What do you call a police officer that shoots black people? A police officer in America.

The president of France, USA and Brazil are in a plane The french president puts his arm out of the window and say, ""We are in France!"". ""How do you know?"" the others president asked. ""I just touched the Eiffel tower!"".   So a little time later the president of the United States puts his hand out of the window and say ""Well, i can confirm that we are in America!"". ""How?"" the others asked. ""I just touched the statue of liberty!"".   Some hours later the president of B…

Only in America... Can you shoot up a whole church and still be hated less than someone who shot a lion.

An old Jewish couple An old Jewish husband and wife went to visit Israel on vacation. They were in Bethlehem and Jerusalem and other big cities. The wife came down with an illness and was unable to be treated and passed away. The man was given two options... To have his wife buried in Israel with a traditional Jewish ceremony for only $450 or to have his wife's body flown back to America to have the ceremony and burial there for around $10,000. The Jewish man answered very quickly, ""Have her fl…

A bear and a rabbit walk through a forest after walking for several hours they meet a fairy. The fairy says: Each of you has three wishes, but be careful what you wish for, because i cant return them. The bear begins and says: I wish every bear in this forest would be female, except me."" wish granted. The rabbit then wishes for a red bicycle which he instantly receives. As it is the bears turn cds again he says: I wish every bear in america would be female, except me."" The fairy grants his wis…

Healthcare Costs in America

Who finds america? Funny Joke Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

America has never been a homophobic nation.. He grew up with 4 fathers.

America healthcare system

What is this the difference between America and Greece? 15 years.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about the United States? Because in America, freedom rings.

Volvo was rated the safest car in America in '94. That's why Kurt Cobain had one, he didn't want to kill himself.

Ellen Pao couldn't become a Miss America, so instead she became a Miss Ogynist.

Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!! Britain: ""What happened to the T?"" America: ""We threw it in the Harbor!""

America, Britain isn't the ex who pretends it was mutual We're the ex who say 'Phew, missed a bullet there'

A Brit visits America and as part of his tour, he is shown the vast corn fields of Iowa stretching away to the horizon and beyond. ""My word,"" he says, ""What on earth do you *do* with it all?"" The farmer grins and replies, ""We eat what we can and what we can't, we can."" The Brit is somewhat puzzled, but after the farmer explains, he laughs uproariously. ""Well done, sir, well done!"" When he returns to the UK, a friend asks him what Americans are like. ""Oh, they have a jolly good sense of …

Threw this on a chick last night On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

Why did the lesbian cross the road? To get to the other bride! *Congrats, America!*

With the banning of the Confederate flag in America... We are going through a period of erase-ism.

Gay marriage is finally legal in America today. Finally, all the OP's can get married.

Teresa Lewis has become the first woman in America to be executed in the last 5 years. Apparently she could have been spared execution if she had an IQ level below 70. Hers was 72. You have to question the intelligence of someone who passes an IQ test knowing full well that if they do they'll be executed.

Two gay men walk into a church. And they walk out as a married couple :) congratulations America

America is finally getting around to banning some dangerous weapons after the latest mass shooting Its a shame nobody was killed by a flag

What would Captain America be called if he fought in Vietnam? You weren't there man

I wonder if they got jokes in Russia about ""capitalistic America""... In capitalistic America, bank robs you!