America Jokes

Did you know? Did you know that during the early 19th century the concept of secretarial work was virtually unheard of? It wasn't until the mid to late 1800's that the idea of secretaries was brought to America, and it came with the Chinese immigrant boom. In fact, it was one family who popularized secretarial work in the United States, the famous Fi Ling family.

The Police Academy Exchange Student Juan, a rookie cop from Mexico, goes to a police academy in Maine for a month in an exchange program. One day, he rides along with a highway patrol officer named Burt. ""Are you finding policing very different in the States?"" Burt asks. ""Not really,"" says Juan. ""A lot of Mexican laws are based on American ones. Our laws are better organized, though."" The officer chuckles and swiftly pulls over his first catch of the day--a young man in a Chevy, going ten …

A conservative christian, a fat guy and a meat eater are all sitting at the bar... you'll find this in almost every bar in America.

The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden.

So the Pope came to America and visited Obama and Hillary Clinton... If they don't walk into a bar, I say it was all for nothing.

TIL that NPR posted a Iink ""Why doesn't America read anymore?"" to their facebook page; the Iink Ied to an April Fool's message saying that many people comment on a story without ever reading the articIe & asking not to comment if you read the Iink; people commented immediately on how they do read asking not to comment if you read the Iink

Black Lives Matter is protesting the Twin Cities Marathon... ...there must be a huge race issue in America

Donald Trump visits a village in an undisclosed third-world country. ""I bring you warm greetings from America!"" Trump declares. The natives respond, ""Kazanga!"" ""We wish you prosperity!"" ""Kazanga!"" they bellow. ""I promise years of economic benefit!"" ""Kazanga! Kazanga!"" As Trump leaves the podium, he tells the chief, ""That went well."" ""Uh huh,"" the chief replies, adding, ""Look out! Don't step in the kazanga.""

A tourist walks up to a woman in a bar Tourist: Hello, what's your name? Girl: Hi, I'm Erica. Tourist: I'm Jim, where are you from? Girl: America. Tourist: Yeah, but where are you from?

Who Found America Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

Why are high end clocks designed and made in Switzerland? As they don't get arrested for doing their job as they do in America!

America Found Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

How many liberals does it take to defend America? Nobody knows, they've never tried.

I guess Donald Trump hates Pre-shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again

America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupee for it.

The US was asked to take in 65,000 refugees from Syria, but declined. Mexico got wind and said they will give them the same freedoms and quality of life as they would get in America. They will be here in a week.

John McAfee's doing paper work to become president... Time for America to become bloated and slow...

Donald Trump Will.... Make America Great Again!

What happened to you little Johnny Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio. ""What is your name?"" asked the teacher. ""Jassem"".... answered the kid. ""You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"" replied the teacher. In the evening, Jassem returned home. ""How was your day, Jassem?"" asked his mother. ""My name is not Jassem. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."" ""Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your…

Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories. He says he wants to ""make America grate again.""

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

Please help little Billy Evans. My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need …

Tourist in America I was going to take my wife to visit all the sites where they protested the police shooting of innocent black men. But i've only got 6 months...plus community service.

Umgawala! The British came to America wanting to colonize the land some years after it had been discovered by Colombus. With the help of a translator the british ambassador made a speech to the general populous telling them how amazing things would be under the British rule. ""We will make roads for you"" he said, and people shouted ""Umgawala Umgawala"" pumped by the enthusiastic response he said ""We will provide the best education for all"" and once again ""Umgawala"". ""We will provide clean…

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, ""I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."" ""Odd,"" her companion replied, ""But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."" Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. ""Two dogs, please,"" said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried ov…