America Jokes

It's not true that all black people are mistreated in America Some black people are mistreated in other countries.

Corn Belt Secession The states of Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, South Dakota and Ohio decided to secede from the Union. They call themselves the Corn-federate States of America.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of shredded cheese . . . so he can make America grate again.

I'm writing a research paper on banning shredded cheese in supermarkets and instead only selling cheese is large blocks. The title is ""Make America Grate Again.""

Trump won the election... ...and right at the inaugration made a stern statement: ""There will be no wall and illegals can stay, and God Bless America!"". On his way down the podium, an angry voter yelled at Trump: ""Why are you breaking your promise? What the hell man?"". Trump smirked, leaned towards the angry Republican and whispered: ""If I built the wall and deported minorities, there would be no-one left to be racist bigot against, and no-one left to scapegoat when my policies crash the en…

Trump's first 30 days in office Day 1: ISIS surrenders, admitting America is just too great now to fight Day 2 Global warming stops Day 3: Mexico volunteers to build the wall using illegal Mexican refugee child as labor Day 4: Solves Israeli Palestinian conflict by moving Palestinian to Indian reservations Day 5: Replaces Obamacare with a terrific new system Day 6: Announce unemployment is now 0% Day 7: Rest Day 8: Has meeting with God to discuss the whole Muslin issue Day 9: Announced the last …

A Furniture Salesman A furniture salesman is surprised to see a man named Boris who speaks little English in his shop. ""I come from Poland to America. Here is 20 bucks, give me sweetheart."" Boris says. ""Wait a second"", says the furniture salesman, ""Let me see that flier you brought with you"". Sweetheart Deal 20 Dollar Discount on Home Furnishings 1134 New York Street, NY, NY ""I see the problem here"", says the furniture salesman.

Request; White People Jokes It's okay, I'm white. I hear way too many racist jokes targeting, what America calls, minorities. I want to mix it up a bit. I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of jokes about shootings, which I love, but it's the only jokes I hear, so bonus points to you if you're actually clever. Anything from Middle School humor, to NSFW, don't hold back!

How did horses get to America in the 1700's? On the Hayflower!

Chickens are Illuminati As of 2011 there is an estimated 19 billion chickens in the world or 3 for every person. What has 3 sides? A triangle. Where can you see triangles? The pyramids. Where are the pyramids? Egypt. What did Egyptians worship? Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are rivals such as chickens and turkeys. When do people eat turkey the most? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away from Christmas in the USA. What's on the other side of the world from the USA? Japan. What do Japanese…

Jeb Bush just tweeted a picture of a gun engraved with 'Gov. Jeb Bush' with the caption 'America' At least he'll never have to get it re-engraved

Why is America bad at the game Chess? Because they don't know how to defend their towers.

An American anthropology professor is lecturing on how to recognize the dominant features of a culture. ""It's quite simple,"" she says. ""Just look for the things to which, or for which, people make great sacrifices. In medieval Italy, look at how much money the people gave to the Catholic Church in their devotion to Jesus and the Virgin Mary. In pre-Columbian Mexico, look at the sacifice of humans on the Aztec altars of their gods. Even in modern India, look at the outrageous burdens placed on…

American Heaven and Hell In America, Heaven is where: 1. The chefs are from New York 2. The engineers are from Detroit 3. The lovers are from Miami 4. The police are from Portland 5. Everything is organized by San Jose Hell is where: 1. The chefs are from Miami 2. The lovers are from San Jose 3. The engineers are from Portland 4. The police are from New York 5. Everything is organized by Detroit

A man walks into a bell tower and shoots 16 people... America responds by restricting access to bell towers.

Hillary and Bernie walk into a bar... Hillary says that she shouldn't buy the drinks because she is Hillary. Bernie says that the drinks should be free for everyone. America dies.

Kid Rock now endorses Donald Trump ""#Make America Up Jump the Boogie Again!!""

Whom you like most! Mother or Father A father asked a kid. Whom you like most, Me or your mother? The kid replies ""both"" Father: Chose one Kid: again said both now father chooses another strategy Father: If your mother goes to Paris and I go to America then where you'll prefer to go Kid: Paris Father: ah here you go, so it means you like your mother over me Kid: No it's not like that but Paris is just so beautiful Fther: Changes the question hmm alright. If I go to Paris and your mother goes t…

""I don't know where you're from. But in this country..."" ""...we're all from America.""

America is basically a free country... you'd just have to inherit 19 trillion dollars in debt

What do you call someone who can't find a job? A Psych major. (Pls list your own response - if you're awake and in America at this time, you should have a pretty good one). Thanks.

Hot Dogs (as told by my Granny) Two older English ladies finally get to visit America. They decide they want to try some authentic American food for the first time. Edith says, ""I've heard that hot dogs are about as American as it gets."" ""Oh yeah?"" says Mabel. ""Sounds different, but I guess we should try it then."" So they go into a cafe and both of them order jumbo hot dogs. They sit down at a table, and Edith slowly unwraps hers and looks at it aghast. "" Oh dear, Mabel! What part of the …

The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president... They're ready to make America grate again.

Terrorist Pick-Up Line ""Hey girl, is your ass America? Because I want to destroy it.""

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders... He responded, ""So you want to see America be destroyed?"" I said, ""No, I want to watch it Bern.""