America Jokes

3 Pints of Desi Beer Santa walks into a bar, orders 3 pints of 'desi beer' and sits in the back of the room, drinking and sipping out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, ""You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."" Santa replies, "" Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Dubai, and I'm here in England. When we all left home, we promised th…

I heard americans answer questions with questions... I heard Americans answer questions with questions so I flew to america and asked the first american I could find, "" Is it true that americans answer questions with other questions? "". She (it was a woman) looked at me and said;""who told you? ""

A double whammy What's black on the bottom and white on top? Apartheid America. What's white on the bottom and black on top? A prison shower.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, ""Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they will forever speak of this day as the day that we made America work for everyone!"" Hillary replied, ""I seriously doubt that! with one little wave of your hand ... show me!"" So Bernie Sanders backhand sla…

""You're the bomb!"" No, you're the bomb!"" A compliment in America but an argument in the Middle East Too soon?

A man and a woman from france come to america... So a couple from france came to america, only knowing a little bit of english. The lady tells her husband to try to learn english. He ends up at the airport and hears someone say the word takeoff! After there he found himself at the zoo where he heard someone talking about the zebras. Later he went back home, and the woman asks him, so what did you learn today? ... takeoff, zebra!

An egoist, a feminist and a Socialist walk into a bar... An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, ""You guys would be great presidential candidates."" They took him seriously... ...apparently America did too.

""Life is like a fountain"" A boy grows up in a poor Eastern European country. Every Saturday at services his rabbi ends the sermon by saying, ""Life is like a fountain."" The boy remembers this whenever he has a hard test, or he is bullied at school, and it helps him cope. When he gets older, he decides to move to America for a better life. It is hard at first, but he remembers that ""life is like a fountain,"" and perseveres. Eventually he gets a good job and starts a family. Sure, there are s…

As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America? Catatonic

So a Mexican sneaks across the border into America And the border patrol officer says ""Oh no not again""

A Millennial is having a thought.. He types ""Capitalism is an outdated economic system and is causing the downfall of America"" on his Apple laptop as he sips his Starbucks coffee and wraps his American Apparel scarf tighter around his neck and texts his buddy about his moral superiority on his iPhone.

Every minute in america... Costs you 5 dollars.

What is worse than dying in a mass shooting in America? Your dad finding out you're gay.

Remember when America used to be cool... .... Yeah, me neither.

So I hear Trump wants to ban shredded cheese. Says he's going to make America grate again.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a boat. The boat sinks. Who survives? America.

Donald Trump wants to ban pre-shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again!

Did you hear that in September of 2001, America made a 'The Hobbit' based plane? It's first stop was the Two Towers

If Hilary Clinton and Donald trump go on a stranded island together who survives? America.

Why does America spell some words differently? They said ""We can do it without u, Britain.""

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? America can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Why did the chicken cross the road? .... because Bernie Sanders challenged him to a debate about the future of America.

What do Mexicans say on their first day in America? Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light...

3 Chinese mens Name Chu,Bu and Fu went to America illegally They decided to change their names to sound American Chu change his name to Chuck,Bu change his name to Buck and Fu got sent back to China

A hunter walks into a bar. He's carrying the severed arms of a bear he had killed. He puts them on the counter. The bartender says ""Hey, get those out of here."" The hunter replies ""This is America. I have the right to bear arms.""