Iowa Jokes

Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa.

The ironic thing about Americans making fun of Canada is Iowa.

"Oh yeah" - me, remembering Iowa exists.

Stop bragging about your 10,000 lakes, Minnesota. You don't hear Iowa going on and on about its 12,000 smells.

I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I've just been poisoned

The Out of Towner A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer. The bartender looked up and said, ""You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"" The guy said, ""I'm from Iowa."" The bartender asked, ""What the heck you do in Iowa?"" The guy responded, ""I'm a taxidermist."" The bartender asked, ""Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"" The guy said nervously, ""I mount animals."…

A SPECIAL NIGHT IN IOWA Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa? A: Prom.

If you call someone from Alaska an Alaskan, someone from Texas a Texan, and Iowa an Iowan; what do you call someone from Utah? A Mormon

Why does all the corn in Iowa lean West? Because Nebraska sucks!

What's the difference between Wisconsin women and Iowa trash? At least the Iowa trash gets taking out once a week.

Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? So that Minnesota does not get jealous.

How do people in Iowa get elections? By watching corn!

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?

Bernie Sucks! Outside the Bernie Sanders campaign offices in Iowa, after a snowstorm, staffers came to work and found BERNIE SUCKS melted in the snow, apparently by urine. They immediately roped off the area and called for an investigation. Reporting to Bernie that evening, they said GOOD NEWS! We found it to be Donald Trumps urine!! BETTER NEWS! It is Hilary's handwriting!!

I think my 2 year old wants to move to Iowa. She points to everything and says ""Des Moines.""

A Brit visits America and as part of his tour, he is shown the vast corn fields of Iowa stretching away to the horizon and beyond. ""My word,"" he says, ""What on earth do you *do* with it all?"" The farmer grins and replies, ""We eat what we can and what we can't, we can."" The Brit is somewhat puzzled, but after the farmer explains, he laughs uproariously. ""Well done, sir, well done!"" When he returns to the UK, a friend asks him what Americans are like. ""Oh, they have a jolly good sense of …

I would tell you a joke about Iowa... ...but it'd be pretty corny.

A man is lost in a hot air balloon A man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back, 'You're in a basket you dumb shit!'

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer. The bartender looked up and said, ""You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"" The guy said, ""I'm from Iowa."" The bartender asked, ""What the heck you do in Iowa?"" The guy responded, ""I'm a taxidermist."" The bartender asked, ""Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"" The guy said nervously, ""I mount animals."" The bartender gr…

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510 Dear Senator Harkin, As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status fro…

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong. He said, ""Nothing."". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with…

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. ""I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,"" demanded the agent. ""Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years; the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that work…

Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn't born in Iowa? They couldn't find three wise men!!!

The Pretzel Hold. Back in the days of the Cold War, the United States and the Soviet Union played out their battle for world domination at the Olympics, and the signature event was heavyweight wrestling. Both sides wanted the bragging rights in that event, and they stopped at nothing to get the edge. And so, deep in the wastelands of Siberia, the Soviets brought all of their knowledge of genetics and selective breeding to bear and created the fastest, strongest wrestler they'd ever produced. …

Elderly couple is driving down the road and get pulled over. The officer says "sir. You were doing 65 in a 45". Old lady in the passenger seat says "What did he say?" Man says "he said I was speeding" Officer says "I'm gonna have to issue you a citation." Old lady, "what did he say?" Man "he's giving me a ticket" As the officer is filling out his paperwork he notices the couple is from Cornhusker, Iowa. Officer says "I've been there. Worst piece of ass I ever had, I got there." Old lady, "wha…