Sports Jokes

Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book

Did you hear about the Football player that went to Prison? He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver.

You are just like Magic Johnson. But without the basketball skills or the height or actually being anything like him, you just have AIDS.

Buddhist, Catholic and a Mormon are talking about their families. The Buddhist turns to the others and says, ""raising four kids is tough, if my wife and I have another I'm going to have a basketball team!"" The Catholic chuckles and responds, ""Four? I have TEN kids, if my wife and I have one more I'll have a football team!"" The Mormon shrugs, ""If I get any more wives I'm going to have a golf course.""

Blonde Joke An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl w…

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, ""Ribbit. 9 Iron."" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. ""Ribbit. 9 Iron."" He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, ""Wow, that's amazing. You must be a lu…

So the other day I was walking from the sports field with a bag of 100 tennis balls... That's a big bag, but I managed to carry it. However, unbeknownst to me, it was dragging over the ground, and eventually caught on a sharp piece of kerb, and ripped open. All 100 tennis balls falling out, ending up everywhere. Really annoying. I had to get all of them back individually and only retrieved 99 of them. Now the last one... (at this point comes the tricky part. You have to credibly pretend that you…

A woman is cheating on her husband.. One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet. The little boy says, ""It's dark in here."" The man whispers, ""Yes, it is."" Boy - ""I have a baseball."" Man - ""That's nice."" Boy - ""Want to buy it?"" Man - ""No, thanks."" Boy - ""My dad's outside."" Man - ""OK, how much?"" Boy - ""$250."" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lo…

I've always wondered why baseball was getting bigger ...and then it hit me

A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke around 8 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. ""Where have you been?"" demanded his wife when he entered the house. ""Darling,"" replied the man, ""I …

Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing... He looked thoroughly worn out. ""Tough day at the course?"" his wife asked. ""Oh, you have no idea,"" he said. ""The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve.""

So these two bats were hanging out in a cave They were just chillin' when both of them saw this object off in the distance approach at frightening speed. Immediately, one of the bats knew what to do. He swung into action! As the object approached, he stiffened up, went completely rigid, and as the object came within range, he swung his body with all his might and knocked the object clear out of the sky. Astounded, the other bat said, ""Wow, how did you do that? What are you?"" The brave bat said…

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams... ...to raise money for a charity. The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire. The match started, and the two teams, ""The Beverly Hills Bosses"" and ""The Hollywood Hustlers"" went to play. The match was going great, with both teams outperforming expectations and making h…

[OC] Micheal Jordan's origin story. Micheal Jordan loved basketball growing up. He was good at it too. Every day at school, he'd be playing basketball and everyone wanted him on thier team. The only catch was that, he could only play B-Ball at school. There were no courts near his house. So... Micheal's father, whom I will henceforth refer to as Micheal Sr, had the idea of putting up a hoop in thier backyard. One day, while Micheal was out with his friends. Micheal Sr, bought and installed a hoo…

Two men are golfing at a local golf course The first man is about to putt when he sees a long funeral procession right near the course. He stops mid-putt, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in prayer. The second man is in awe. ""Wow, that is the most touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."" The man replies, ""Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years.""

Jesus and Paul are playing golf Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup. The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says ""who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"" Paul replies ""no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer""

A 4-year-old kid was at school and his teacher told him that his homework was to learn the first four letters of the alphabet At home his mum was on the phone when he asked her what's the first letter of the alphabet so she said ""Shut up."" His dad was watching a football match when the kid asked him about the second letter of the alphabet so he said ""YES YES YES!!!"" because his favorite team had just scored. His brother was playing Bat-Man when the kid asked him what's the third letter of th…

A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus... A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus and sits next to a blonde woman. The blonde woman notices his pants are bulging near his crotch area and keeps looking down towards his crotch. The man notices her staring at his crotch so he turns to her and she quickly turns hear head. After the man looks away from the blonde woman he notices out of the corner of his eye she is again staring at his crotch. Finally he s…

The Las Vegas Ice Cream Eating Contest The Scooper Duper Creamery was a small ice cream shop on the Vegas Strip. They would hold ice cream eating contests on the weekends that, being in Vegas, would be bet on by the tourists. Anyone could sign up to participate in the challenge if they were daring enough. To win, one would have to eat an entire gallon in thirty minutes. If no one was successful at the end, the person who ate the most would be declared the winner instead. One weekend, a gentleman…

I like my women how I like my golf scores... Low 80's with a slight handicapp

What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge.

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening When the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, ""Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"" Martha replied, ""Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, ""I n…

An airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board but only three parachutes. The first passenger said, ""I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can't afford to die."" So he took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected US president and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the second pack and …

There's one thing I've learned after my son got hit in the face with dog excrement. I'm rather good at golf.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer go out for a round of golf.. Within a couple holes, they've caught up to the group in front of them. These guys are missing their shots right and left and overall taking their sweet time. Finally the doctor gets fed up and calls the course management. A representative comes out to figure out what's going on, and quickly explains the situation. ""You have to understand,"" he says. ""We had a fire a few years back and these guys desperately tried to save our club…