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A man walks into a bar with his dog. ""This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?"" he asks. ""You can have one on the house,"" the bartender says. The man turns to his dog. ""What goes on the top of a house?"" Dog: Roof. Man: ""What does tree bark feel like?"" Dog: Rough. Man: ""Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"" Dog: Ruth. The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. ""That's enough. You and your dog, get out."" After the man and the

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A woman takes a lover home... A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, ""Dark in here."" The man says, ""Yes, it is."" Boy - ""I have a baseball."" Man - ""That's nice."" Boy - ""Want to buy it?"" Man - ""No, thanks."" Boy - "

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Heaven or Hell? While walking down the street one day, a political head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ""Welcome to Heaven,"" says St. Peter. ""Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."" ""No problem, just let me in."" says the politician. ""Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do

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Priest and Golfer One sunny Saturday a Golfer invites his priest out for a round of golf. On the 5th hole, the Golfer forgets himself as he misses a 5 yard putt. ""God Damn, I missed!"" the Golfer exclaims. The Priest glares at him a bit but doesn't say anything. On the 10th hole the Golfer misses a 3 yard putt. ""God Damn it, missed again! The Priest glares at him a bit harder but still remains silent. On the 16th hole the Golfer misses a 3 foot putt. ""God Damn it, I missed again!"", rails the

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A man walks out to the street... and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.' Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.' Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.' Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam a

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Woman takes a lover home.... Woman takes a lover home whilst hubby is at work. Her 9yr old son comes home unexpectedly sees them and hides in the closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet not realizing her sons also in the closet. Boy says 'Dark in here' The Man says ' Yes it is' Boy says 'I have a baseball' the man says 'that's nice' boy 'wanna buy it?' The man says 'no thanks' boy says 'my dads outside' the man says 'ok how much?' Boy says '$250' A

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An English businessman... An English businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming ""Soko janai! Soko janai!"". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the man is glad to know that he managed to please her so much. The next day, he strikes the deal, and is invited to play golf with his Japanese associates. On the hardest hole of

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An old married couple is lying in bed when... the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeak

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