Sports Jokes

A wife finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning... My dear wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19 year old secretary at the comfort inn hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight. *When the man ca…

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, ""Dark in here."" The man says, ""Yes, it is."" Boy - ""I have a baseball."" Man - ""That's nice."" Boy - ""Wan…

Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game Hurt, bloody, but at least my dad came.

What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench? A basketball team.

Why Can't Foster Kids Play Baseball? ""They Don't Know Where Home Is!"" Daniel , Reddit Clown

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet - Keep your back straight - knees bent. - Feet shoulder width apart. - Form a loose Grip - keep your head down - avoid a quick backswing - stay out of the water - try not to hit anybody - if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you - you shouldn't stand directly in front of others - be quite when others are about to go - keep strokes to a minimum

If Groot played basketball He'd set the record for most tree pointers in a game.

Why didn't Jesus play during the Isreal-Palestine soccer game? He got suspended.

An Old Lady Walks Down the Street with 20 Dollar Bills Spilling from Her Bags... A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, ""Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."" ""Oh, really? Darn it!"" said the little old lady. ""I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me office…

What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets.

Generous Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. Man: Hello? Woman: Honey? Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it ok if i buy it? Man: Sure, if you really like it. Woman: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2013 models. I saw one I really lik…

Two amazing jokes by Anthony Jeselnik ""Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."" ""My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore. When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About …

As I was finishing a round of golf during a lightning storm, I was suddenly struck ...by how peaceful my game was with no one else on the course. I should do this more often!

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "" I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die"" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , "" I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the…

Two Golfers Harry and Fred were playing their Sunday afternoon golf game. The game, as always, was close. They were at the treacherous 12th hole: a par three that required a perfect first shot over a large pond and onto a tiny green. There were sand traps on the other three sides of the green, and a small road 50 feet beyond it. Harry went first. He carefully addressed the ball and hit a good shot that landed just on the edge of the green, narrowly avoiding the pond. Just as Fred addressed his b…

My wife wouldn't like ... While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, ""Are you okay?"" ""I'm okay thanks,"" I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. She said, ""Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later. "" I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. ""That's mighty nice of you,"" I answ…

What do you call a girl who plays tennis on her knees? Courtney.

There's a reason why baseball is America's favorite pastime. It's way past it's time of being relevant.

Stranded Irishman One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. ""It's certainly not a ship,"" he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, ""Tell me how long has it been since…

A man goes to his girlfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. Hes really nervous. This is his first time meeting her family and he's not sure what to expect. In fact, he's so nervous that it's giving him gas. Now, sitting there watching tv in the family room isn't bad because the the football game is on and it's kind of loud and of course their big old dog Harold is licking his balls and Everyone can hear that. It's not bad, because he can sit there and fart into the couch. No one hears a thing…

Three guys were traveling on the road and they were tired, so they stopped at a nearby farm. The farmer goes to the first guy ""You can sleep with the pigs,"" to the second guy ""You can sleep with the cows,"" and to the third guy ""You can sleep with my 18 lovely daughters."" In the morning, the ranch owner asks the three men how they felt. The first guy said ""like a pig."" The second guy said ""like a cow."" The third guy put on a big smile and said ""Like a golf ball. I've just been through …

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation. His opponent comments: ""That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very feeling man."" The man, recovering himself, replies, ""Yeah, well we were married 35 years.""

LUCKY FROG A man takes the day off from work and decides to go play a round of golf. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, 'Ribbit, 9 Iron.' The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit, 9 Iron.' He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, 'Wow t…

When I graduated from university, I struggled to find work. To make ends meet, I performed odd jobs - voiceover work, sold insurance, and even drove a cab in a city near the East Coast a few years back. One of the scariest things that happened was as I was driving around, I saw a teenagers' basketball game get pretty intense. One of the kids was arguing a call made by a few thugs - it was a bad idea from the start, the kid was outnumbered and what's worse is when the fight started escalating, on…

Upgrading From BoyFriend To Husband INSTALLING HUSBAND!!! A woman writes to the IT Technical support..... Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable pro…