Sports Jokes

Two old men had been best friends for years... ...and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, ""Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."" The dying man said, ""We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you."" And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleep…

A minister, priest, and a rabbi.... Are all playing golf for money... They decide that they should give some money to their respective churches, but are unsure as to how to do it. The priest gets an idea....walks over to the ball drop area, stands inside the circle and says, ""I'm going to throw my money into the air. Whatever lands INSIDE this circle, I'll give to my church."" The minister, then goes over, stands inside the circle and says, ""Ok. When i throw my money into the air, whatever lan…

Why did Cinderella get kicked off for the soccer team? She kept running from the ball.

What kind of shirts do philosophers wear Soccer tees

A husband and wife are watching a movie The film is about a widower struggling to raise children alone. The wife turns to here husband and says, ""If I die, I want you to remarry, so the kids will have a mother."" He says, ""Yeah, I guess that would be best."" She gets mad at his lack of loyalty. ""Just like that, huh? You'd just replace me."" ""You brought it up. It was your idea. Besides, you're right, it would be better for the kids."" ""Not a moment's hesitation. You'd just bring someone hom…

What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player? The baseball player has all of its limbs.

I met a girl at a soccer game... ...I think she's a keeper

90,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a ""Blondes Are Not Stupid"" Convention. The leader says, ""We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, ""What is 15 plus 15?"" After 20 or 25 seconds she says, ""Eighteen!"" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 90,000 blondes start cheering, ""Give her another chance! Give her another c…

Why is Ohio State's basketball team so good? ~~Because they have great shooters~~ Because they drive and cut extremely well Thanks for nothing /r/news!

What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team.

RULES OF BEDROOM GOLF 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. 2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as…

I don't know anything about golf... ...but I just watched it on TV for a couple minutes. It looks really easy. I'm sure I could get a very high score.

Men at 25 plays football. Men at 40 plays tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller ?

Two men, Tom and Joe, have loved baseball more than anything their entire lives. One day Tom says to Joe, ""If you die before me, promise me you'll come back and tell me if there is baseball in Heaven."" Joe agrees and makes Tom promise the same thing. About a week later Tom dies. One night Joe wakes up to somebody calling his name. Scared, he asks, ""Who's there?"" Suddenly Tom appears and says, ""Hi Joe. I'm coming here from Heaven. I've got some good news and some bad news. I'll give you the …

Mexican Drug Cartel There was a man who went by the name of Juan, who lived in Mexico with his 14 brother and his 12 sisters. Juan was involved in some pretty shady stuff, he was a distributed of product for a local gang. One day, there was a big argument between the leader and Juan, later, Juan came home he saw that all of his brothers and sisters had been slaughtered. He vowed to avenge them. Years passed and Juan finally reached his goal of becoming and undercover cop, now all he had to do wa…

What happened to Jesus when he tried to play defense on a professional Basketball player? He got crossed.

romantic comedy about middle aged people playing tennis 40-love

There was a man with leprosy Jim had leprosy which was bad because he had constant sores full of pus. The doctor said he could keep him alive but could do nothing about the sores. Because of this Jim could never wear a shirt as it would be soaked with pus and ruined. One day Jim's friends decided to take him to a baseball game because he loved baseball but didn't get out much-being ashamed of his back. At the game Jim was enjoying himself but soon after the game started a woman two rows back thr…

Payday A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have a baseball.' Man: 'That's nice' Boy: 'Want to buy it?' Man: 'No, thanks.' Boy: 'My Dad's outside.' Man: 'OK, how much?' B…

A man is granted three wishes. The Genie tells him that whatever he wishes for, his wife will receive 2x of. The man's first wish is $3B, so his ex-wife gets $6B. The man's second wish is a mansion, so his ex-wife gets two mansions. For the man's third and final wish, he tells the Genie ""Here's a baseball bat, beat me half to death.""

Took my girlfriend to a baseball game this last season We made a deal in the beginning. I kiss her on every strike and she kisses me on the balls.

The Columbine basketball team hasn't been the same... Since they lost their two best shooters

Women are like balls. At 20, they are a Soccer Ball with 22 men running after them. At 30, they are a Basketball with 10 men running after them. At 40, they are a Golf Ball with just 1 man running after them. At 50, they are a Ping-Pong Ball with men pushing them to other men.

Confucius Says Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk.

What's better than winning the wheel chair basketball championship? Having legs...