Sports Jokes

It's dark in here. A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, ""It's dark in here, isn't it? ""Yes it is,"" the man replies. ""You wanna buy a baseball?"" the little boy asks. ""No thanks,"" the man replies. ""I think you do want to buy a baseball,"" the little extortionist continues. ""OK. How much…

TIL that vaccines contain a small amount of mercury, a chemical component that leads to autism. -Idiotic Soccer Mom, 2k16

What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common? The harder you hit it the more English you get

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a funeral drove by... The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip. His friend said, ""Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."" His friend slid his club into his bag and said, ""Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that.""

I took my girlfriend to a baseball game. I kissed her between every strike.... and she kissed me between the balls.

Two brothers wake up on Christmas morning... They rush downstairs to see what they got from Santa. The younger one asked for a bicycle and sure enough, he got a bicycle. The older brother asked for an XBox, but it was nowhere to be found. Instead he found a baseball bat. His little brother started taunting him, ""Nanananana, I got a bicycle, you didn't get your XBox, nanananana!"" So the older brother calmly puts the bat on his shoulder, turns to his brother, and says ""Well, at least I don't ha…

Angry Wife Someone posted this on Funny Droid (Android Application ) : Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket! Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops. Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. ""Oh welcome home dar…

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of at tennis court? Annette!

whats a feminist least favorite football team? MANchester united

Did you hear about the golf match between the black golfer and white golfer from South Africa? Birdie on the last hole would have won the match for the black golfer, but a par tied.

A Mexican Man Who is new to the United States is telling his friends about his recent trip to a baseball game. He says ""after I found my seat I was sang a song to by the whole crowd!"" His friends ask him what he means. He says ""The song they sang to me went something like this: Jose can you see, by the dawns early light.""

Sports Hockey has the Blues. Football has the Browns. Baseball has the Reds. What does basketball have? l l l l l The Blacks.

An american walks into a english pub ... ... before the dinner rush, sees that he is the only customer and goes to the publican. ""Excuse me sir! How much for a beer?"" he asks the publican ""For you good sir. 2 Pence."" He replies. ""2 PENCE! 2 PENCE! Wow that is really cheap. Okay how much for a toasted sandwich?"" ""5 pence sir"" he replies. ""5, 5 PENCE! okay how much is it for a nice juicy steak with no fat and a mountain of chips?"" the customer asks. ""Well for 15 pence you could have all…

Why don't Syrian Refugees play baseball? because they don't know where home is

Asked a tennis player about his views on Trumps 2nd Amendment gaffe ( joke ) and Omar Mateens father sitting right behind her in her rally 1. Trumps Comment: Foul 1. Hillary's: Unforced Error

There was a school in England which was infamous for having the savage bullies. [Long] There was a school in England which was infamous for having the savage bullies. The school used to come in the news fairly regularly for nothing but their bullies. More often than not the school bullies used to line up the other students and hit them in the face. The consequences of not being present in the line were worse than getting *punched* in the face, so helplessly once a week on Monday all the students…

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked....... A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, ""Honey, if I died would you get married again?"" The husband said, ""No sweetie."" The woman said, ""I'm sure you would."" So the man said, ""Okay, I would"" Then the woman asked, ""Would you let her sleep in our bed?"" And the man replied, ""Ya, I guess so."" Then the wife asked, ""Would you let her use my golf clubs?"" And the husband replied, ""No, she's left hand…

A man returns home from the golf course... His wife asks him why he no longer plays with Jerry, a long-time friend. He replies:""Would you enjoy playing with a swearing, rude cheat?"" His wife says ""No, of course not"". Her husband answers:""Well neither does Jerry""

The Memory Man... A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. ""Who's he?"" asked the Liverpudlian. ""That's the Memory Man."" said the bartender. ""He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads…

Two Canadians Are in Hell Two Canadians are in hell, wearing winter coats and seem pretty cheerful. The devil says to them ""Why are you wearing such heavy coats?"" They say ""Oh, it's a nice day in Canada!"" So the devil cranks the heat up. The Canadians are now in shorts, tee shirts and playing baseball. The devil says ""Why are you having fun?"" They say: ""Oh it's a wonderful day in Canada!"" The devil cranks the heat up as far as he can. The Canadians are now in just boxers and laughing. Th…

Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. ""How's ya gettin' on today, sir"" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ""hello"" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. ""What are dose?"" Ask…

How are third party candidates like soccer? They're only really popular in America once every four years.

Why are orphans terrible baseball players? They don't know where home is.

What is the difference between a G spot and a golf ball A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Where does the North Korean Soccer team practice during the winter? Inside or outside? Trick question. They don't have any heat so it doesn't matter. Edit: Err....I meant living in South Korea.... (my one and only Korean joke I learned when I lived there....)