Sports Jokes

Upon England's exit from the Euros... Talks are beginning to emerge for a referendum from FIFA and starting their own international football governing body, in which they will be the only nation invited and will always win no matter what.

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?' 'I was stung by a bee', she said. 'Where?', he asked. 'Between the first and second hole', she replied. He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet were too far apart.'

How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout? You Messi-up

What does Samuel L. Jackson say... When you're about to throw your cigarette in the street? ""Hold on to your butts."" When you're bleeding from multiple stab wounds? ""Hold on to your cuts."" When someone from Holland is forgetting their language? ""Hold on to your dutch."" When someone is being eaten by a velociraptor? ""Hold on to your guts."" When a hurricane is heading towards a South Pacific Island? ""Hold on to your huts."" When you're dangling from a cliff? ""Hold on to your juts."" When…

Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.

England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for ""Scotland's favourite Englishman.""

Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls.

a joke for dumb people okay dont kill me just yet lol okay okay a Jewish mom goes soccer league in Ireland and she says ""excuse me sir do you know where i can get a soccer player from?"" then the irish man says ""no ma'am you dont buy them you watch them play fut ball"" and the jewish mom says ""well my irene i need to kidnap one then and make them my husband"" then an soccer player comes up to her and gives her a beer and makes her play soccer. an hour later she got on the soccer team and ever…

The 3 seasons of Texas! Summer, cold summer, & Football.

Why don't orphans play professional Baseball? They don't know where home is.

Dates are like golf strokes The fewer it takes for you to score, the better your game.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? It couldn't find home

Best joke in soccer right now. Mexico's national team.

Church basketball What do you call a group of nuns who's into basketball? Slam NUNk Who's their MVP? Stephen Mary

Elderly Scottish Jew An elderly Scottish Jew decides to slow down and take up golf. So he applies for membership at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been rejected. So he goes down to the club to inquire why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, MacTavish. Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear the kilt. Scot: Aye, so do I. Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing und…

What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time? Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III.

A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful ... (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, ""It's golf balls."" The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, ""Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ??!!""

Baseball baking What's the difference between a baseball cupcake and a baseball muffin... The batter

Everything England has accomplished has been bettered by other nations - rugby, cricket and now at football... Even the Russians have better hooligans than us.

England football team are great at holding on in extra time.

As far as I know original golf joke So what does a bogey have in common with a dead golfer? One too many strokes.

Did you hear about the basketball player that fell in love with a midget? He was nuts over her!

Heard this one today. Two baseball players get to talking about the afterlife... ...and they decide that who ever dies first has to come back and tell the other one if there's baseball in heaven. So one of them dies, and he holds up the bargain and comes back: ""I'm baaack to teelll the secret of the afterlife... I have good news and I have bad news....."" ""Go on then!"" ""The good news is that there is baseball in heaven. The bad news is you're pitching tomorrow.""

ADVICE FROM RON - A RETIRED HUSBAND It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with he…

now i get it... maria sharapova's campaign with canon New York Times reports on Maria Sharapova being barred from Pro Tennis for 2 years for testing positive for Meldonium. Now I understand what she meant in those commercials when she said ""Make every shot a POWER shot!""