Sports Jokes

A boy is doing poorly in kindergarten.. A boy is doing poorly in kindergarten. His father says to him, ""If you can bring your grades up and keep them for an entire year, I'll buy you anything you want."" The boy agrees to this. For one whole year, he keeps his grades high. At his kindergarten graduation, the boy's father says, ""All right, we made a deal. What do you want?"" ""Golf balls."" replies the boy. ""A bag of golf balls."" The father is a bit puzzled, but he gets the golf balls. The ne…

There is one rule to Tennis Love means nothing

Why black people are so good with basketball? They can shoot and steal without being arrested.

A German guy, an Italian guy, and a Chinese guy are playing golf... Around the 5th hole, this strange ringing goes off and the German guy starts speaking into his hand. The Italian guy and the Chinese guy are both wondering, ""what the f*ck is this guy doing?"" The German guy explains, ""It's totally awesome! My government made a phone that fits inside of your hand! I have a speaker in my thumb and a mic imbedded in my pinky! It's totally rad!"" The other guys were astonished, ""That's amazing!"…

Why are criminals so good at basketball? They shoot first and ask questions later.

An Australian travels to Houston for business, and sees who he suspects to be a famous football player. So he decides to ask him.... You Watt, mate?

Walking through San Francisco 's Chinatown , a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners......When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.' 'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. ""How does that belong in Chinatown ?"" He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were b…

Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? So that Minnesota does not get jealous.

I once played golf with a Kiwi The RSPCA showed up the next day.

A cabbie and a priest are at the gates of Heaven... St. Peter invites the cabbie and the priest into his golf cart, to show them to their new residences. Although the cab driver had spent his life speeding, drinking and scamming, he was dropped off at a beautiful lakefront mansion. Seeing this, the priest thought to himself: ""if that's where he's ending up, I can't wait to see the place a good man of God like me will end up!"" (he was a genuinely good man, no nonsense) St. Peter kept driving, d…

Who's the most unpopular person at the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch football match? The person who shouted ""Give me an L!""

Why do male midgets laugh so hard when they play football ? It's because the grass tickles their balls.

A White Guy. If a white guy is surrounded by 3 black guys, he's getting robbed. 30 black guys, he's a football coach. 300 black guys he's a prison guard.

They won't be able to serve bottled beer this year at the baseball stadium. They lost the opener.

Tally-whacker Bill Clinton after playing a round of golf with Supporters, notices Donald trump standing in an adjacent urinal. Suddenly Bill looks down and notices that Donald was quite well endowed. ""Damn, Donald,"" Bill said, ""How did that thing ever get so big?"" ""It's like this, Every night, before I go to bed, I smack it against the bed post ten times. That's all it takes."" ""What a good idea!"" said Bill. ""Hillary's been ignoring me lately; this could really perk up our love life."" L…

I went to the toilet in a public restroom... I sat down and had a look at the graffiti on the walls. It said ""For instructions on how to play toilet tennis, please see other wall"" I looked at the other wall and it said ""For instructions on how to play toilet tennis, please see other wall""

On the baseball diamond, I'm like a T-Rex. I have a short arm.

I hate it when people look down on others because of career path I'm not an edgy college kid or soccer mom that looks down on others based on their job. I only look down on others based on their skin color.

We're doing married golfer jokes now? One day a man and his wife are golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, doglegs right around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion. ""Wh…

Another golf joke... A guys in laws are in town and him and his father in-law have decide to go play golf. They are having a blast but every now and again his father in-law yells long foul. Thinking about it he always hears his wife screaming it while they are making love. Later on that night he goes up to his Father in-law and says your daughter is always saying ""long foul"" what does it mean? the father in-law looks at him and says ""wrong hole"".

Another joke for married golfers Paul invites his friend John to go golfing and John says ""Sure, I'll be there at 8:00 or 8:30"". This seems weird, but Paul agrees. The next day John arrives at 8:00 and golfs right-handed, shooting a 75. ""Holy shit!"" his friend says, ""That's awesome. Want to golf again tomorrow?"" John says ""Sure, I'll be there at 8:00 or 8:30."" The next day John shows up at 8:00 and golfs left-handed and shoots a 73. ""I can't believe it!"" says Paul. ""Let me ask you - i…

I don't think a lion would play golf But a Tiger Wood

What's the difference between an airport shop and a golf course covered in bacon? One's a duty free, the others a Jew free tee.

The Panama Papers on floppy disks If the Panama Papers were copied to standard 1.44mb floppy disks and then stacked perfectly, the total volume would cover a basketball court 6"" deep if stacked evenly, or roughly half the size of your mom.

I was looking at the baseball, trying to figure out why it was getting larger. Then it hit me.