Sports Jokes

I managed to hit 18 holes today... And I still have time for golf.

Golf is a lot like taxes - you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.

I got into a fight with a baseball player. It wasn't too bad. All I did was strike him three times and he was knocked out.

My buddies said I should sign up for a Golf Tournament I told them no, I always lose, Then they said it was for crippled children. I thought, well damn, maybe I could win this then.

Ambidextrous baseball players... Swing both ways

I could never marry a tennis line judge... They always point out your faults.

A man takes his new girlfriend golfing... She had never been before so he wanted to take her out for her very first time and impress her with how good he is. They get to the course and he says ""hang on I gotta run into the clubhouse and pay for our round."" He goes in and pays and while he's at the counter, picks up a sleeve (3 pack) of good golf balls, and puts them in his pocket. When he walks out of the clubhouse, he sees her staring at the bulge in his pants. He says ""oh, those are just my…

I was leaving the golf course yesterday... when I ran into a guy whose face was all scratched up. I was like ""holy shit man your face is all bloody, are you ok?"" ""Yeah, but I just blew an eagle on 18

What's the hardest part of golf for asians? Driving

A black guy and a white guy were playing basketball in a jail. The black guy won. Do you want to know why? The black guy had home advantage. IM NOT A RACIST, PLS SENPAIS

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh? Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

A boy is hiding in his moms closet.... ...as she cheats on his father. The boy's father comes home from work early and the man goes to hide in the closet. The boy says to the man, ""Boy, sure is dark in here."" To which the man replies, ""Yeah, sure is, now be quiet"" trying to keep the boy from drawing attention to the closet. ""Do you like my baseball glove?"" Asks the boy. ""Yeah, great glove. Now be quiet"" replies the man. ""If you think it's a great glove, you should buy it off me"" says t…

There was once a captain of a football team.. for whom English wasn't the primary language, so he was still learning to speak it from his teammates now and then. There came a huge club championship, at the final of which the captain found his team winning towards the end of the match. So he asks a teammate to provide him with good lines to say when interviewed. He learns lines like 'Well, it was a team effort', 'Yeah, the boys contributed equally if not more', 'We all thought like one person' an…

LF : Clean-ish jokes Need new jokes that aren't dark so I don't scare away the girl I like. Engineering and soccer ones are pluses. Thanks for the help.

An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman... [nsfw] An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman the night before a game of golf with a big Japanese client. The woman is screaming with passion a specific word in Japanese that the man could tell was a great thing. He decides to try it out at golf. Each time the big client sinks the ball, the man shouts his newly learned Japanese word. Finally, after the 9th hole, the big client asks the man: ""Why do you keep shouting wrong hole?'""

Did you hear that computer scientists have designed and built the perfect tennis player? He's a big server.

Why don't they let Pakistanis take corners in soccer? Because they'll set up a shop.

[Long] This is a favorite from my childhood soccer coach. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. So there are three moles who all live together in a burrow, outaide a farm. Mama mole, Papa mole, and baby Mole. One day Papa Mole wakes up and can smell the farmer cooking breakfast and sticks his head out of the burrow to smell the breakfast and yell down to Mama, ""Come up and smell the breakfast that the farmer is cooking its pancakes and bacon and eggs and ham and all the fixings!!"" Mama mole sc…

Why are black people so good at basketball? Because there is running shooting and stealing involved!

I just got back from my friend's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball... It was a lovely service.

A Few From The 1998 Rugrat's Joke Book - Is Phil's twin big? - No she's Lil . - Knock, knock - Who's there? - Tommy - Tommy who? - Tommy the truth-why's this door locked? . - What is big and scary and lives in the toaster? - A Reptart . - Why should Chuckie play basketball someday? - He's already a great dribbler . - Knock knock - Who's there? - Kanger - Kanger who? - No, but I do have a pocket.

Do not open if you don't condone sick humour Saw a sick post and thought some golden oldies were left off, don't read them if you think you may be offended by dark humour. These may apply more to British people but hey ho there'll be a few everyone will understand. Here's a few I can remember What's the most effective kind of birth control? Cervical cancer. What do jade goody and maddie McCann have in common? Both died without pubes What do maddie McCann and the titanic have in common? Both led …

Golfers Will Make Any Excuse for Another Hole (Golf Humor) It's said that a golfer will make any excuse to their loved one to play more golf. The story goes a gentleman (our main character) picks up a few rounds of golf with some of the guys at the office once a week after work. On this particular evening a few rounds turned into a few more, and a few more, and (as most games do) a few more. Looking at the time, our protagonist has a sudden shock, he's late, beyond late. His wife will certainly …

I went to an Arab-American comedy night there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football. "" I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus.. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see someone else's god? ""

What do you call two mexicans playing tennis? Juan on Juan.