Sports Jokes

A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not tel…

My girlfriend says she's leaving me because I'm obsess with football In my defence I got Kolarov,Otamendi,Thiago Silva and Dani Alves

What's the difference between golf and Lady Godiva? One is a hunt on a course.

Why don't soccer players get hot while running? Because they hve so many fans

A guy buys a golf course... It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one rob…

Hogwart's basketball team is the worst in all the wizarding world They could only score 9 in 3 quarters.

Wong ho A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling ""Gama Su!, Gama Su!"". Hearing this, the Californian knew he ha…

I slept with every girl on my soccer team... I think I'm a team player ...sorry I'll leave now :/

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Ted Cruz? Heidi cannot swing a golf club.

I invented a sport called Mexican football You take a Mexican and kick him over a wall.

Why don't old people like tennis? There's too much racket

Why did Tiger Woods stop designing golf courses? He couldn't keep it down to 18 holes.

This one kid isn't participating in PE, and I asked him why. ""Kid, why do you always run away from the soccer ball?"" The kid said nothing for about 30 seconds. ""Well sir, it's not mine."" He finally said. ""What?"" ""Mommy told me not to touch other people's balls.""

A husband and wife are lying in bed... So a husband and wife are lying in bed. The woman looks to her husband and says ""If I died, would you have another woman in our bed?"" He takes a second and replies ""Why, yes, I suppose I would."" She continues, ""Would you would you go and get married?"" He says ""Well, maybe."" She says would you let her use my golf clubs? He replies ""Of course not! She's left-handed.""

Why are black people so good at basketball? They are experienced in running, stealing and shooting.

I get asked all the time why I play in a gay basketball league It's because I love going up and down the hardwood.

How do you confuse Hellen Keller? step on her books with golf shoes

Why couldn't Robin play cricket? Because he lost his bat, man.

A old man and his wife get into a car accident... They both end up dying and going up to heaven. The man looks around and astounded at how beautiful it is up there. The weather is perfect and he can see that all of his friends are about to go play golf, one of his favorite pastimes. It's everything he could imagine and more. A man in a white robe approaches and the man looks at him and asks, ""Are you god?"" God responds, ""That's me."" ""Does this mean we're in Heaven?"" ""Yes you are!"" The ol…

They named a cricket tournament after my friend's grandfather. They call it the ashes for a reason.

In the winter time, where does the North Korean Soccer team practice? Inside or outside? Trick question. They don't have any heat so it doens't matter.

Tiger Woods goes to Ireland for an Golf Open. After winning the tournament, he decides he's going to rent a Mercedes and see the countryside. After driving for a while, he stops at a small one pump gas station. Getting out of his car, a couple of golf tees fall out of his pocket and on to the ground. While filling up his car, he notices an old Irish man sitting in a chair on the patio of the gas station. ""Good day, sir."" ""Aye, good to ye... May I ask you a question then?"" Tiger, ""Yes sir, o…

What do you get when BMW, Volkswagen, and Callaway design a car together? A Mini Golf.

So I joined a fantasy football league I realize that I don't watch football, but I really wanted to see Gandalf pass the ball to Hermione only to be intercepted by a dragon.

Tiger Woods Goes Golfing With a Black Bear One morning, Tiger Woods goes to his usual golf course to play a morning round of 18 and notices a black bear approaching him from the woods off the first tee. Alarmed, Tiger starts to retreat when the bear casually asks Tiger what he's doing. Having never spoken to a black bear before, Tiger was a little hesitant at first but upon realizing that the bear was not a threat he tries his best to explain the game of golf to this black bear. After learning t…