Sports Jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home

A late night booty call woke me from a deep sleep... that damn cricket better have got some!

A boy breaks his arm and his dad takes him to the hospital. The son gets a cast and heals up just fine after several weeks. He goes up to his father after he gets his cast off and says, ""Dad, I'm healed!"" ""Hi Healed, I'm Dad."" The son laughs and thinks his dad is the funniest ever. A year later, the boy falls on his face and chips a tooth. Dad calls the dentist and tells his son, ""You have an appointment tomorrow."" ""What time?"" Asks the son. ""Tooth-hurty,"" says Dad. The boy just rolls …

Halloween election Year 2026: ""Dad, tell me a spooky halloween story."" ""Once upon a time there was an old man who wore a jack-o-lantern over his head so he would always be frowning to express that he never made enough money to satisfy his greed. Everyone made jokes about how he looked like an orange smurf with fake hair. He did not care. He liked the color orange bigly. One day he was attending a golf match and noticed a beautiful woman at the clubhouse. He cornered her, pressed his lips agai…

A football joke Jose Mourinho

Two childhood friends, both fanatic baseball fans, are getting old. One day, they make a pact. Whoever dies first, has to appear in the living one's dream and tell him if baseball is a thing in heaven. A few months pass. One of the friends suffers a heart attack and dies immediately. The next night, he appears in the other friends dream. ""I knew you'd show up, pal!"" the live friend exclaims. ""I promised, didn't I?"" the dead friend says. ""Listen, I have good news and bad news."" ""Well, tell…

A 90 year old golfer tells his wife he is quitting the game. 'But why'? asks his wife. 'Well, it's my eyesight. I can't see where the ball goes after I hit it"". The wife says 'listen, you can go with my brother Pete. He might be 103 years old but his eyesight is perfect'. He agrees and finds himself on the golf course with his brother-in-law. He takes aim and hits a powerful shot that speeds off like a jet. He looks at his brother-in-law and says: did you see that Pete? His brother-in-law says …

What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player? A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.

A professional golfer was... angry when a man claimed his gorilla played better golf than the pro did. Betting $10,000 to prove it, the pro teed up on a par five and hit a beautiful shot down the centre of the green. The man pulled his gorilla out of a cage and handed him a club. Pointing to the where the hole was, he teed up a ball and stood back. The gorilla swung and whacked the ball so hard it disappeared from sight, then came back into view....only to drop a foot away from the pin. Disguste…

A man stranded on a deserted island sits looking out over the ocean as he has done every day for the last 7 years... Always the same view. Today however he spots something among the waves. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief he realizes it's a person swimming towards shore. He jumps to his feet and begins running down towards the beach. Is he going crazy? Is this real? It's been so long since he has seen another human. Upon reaching the beach the swimmer is just coming out of the surf. Not only is she…

Two guys are playing golf... Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a funeral procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, ""Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!"" As he swings, he replies, ""Well, she was my wife for 25 years...""

Why can't Jesus play Football? He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

Did you hear about the football offensive coordinator who was republican? He was a conservative playcaller.

The story of the annual football game played between the big and small animals. At their annual football game, the big animals are really trouncing the little animals with a tremendous offensive game. At half time the score is 33 to 0, and it's only with considerable effort that the little animals manage to stop the opposition's kickoff return on the twenty-two yard line. On the first down, the big animals send the hippopotamus around the right end, but as soon as he gets to the line of scrimmag…

Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm? Because it was humerus.

A Rabbi on Yom Kippur Rabbi Ben Simmons was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf. Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely. As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi Ben Simmons playing the best game he had ever played. The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course and …

I was getting a tour around my new school... First, I was shown the History wing. I met some of the teachers and couldn't wait for 6th hour, when I had my History class. My guide then took me to the Math hallway. I wasn't too excited to be returning here anytime soon. I was then shown the gymnasium. Some folks were playing Basketball when I walked by. Next came the English and Science wings. Nothing interesting to report there. My tour guide then brought me to the part of the school where kids w…

I've invented a golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4 inches. They work brilliantly, just don't carry them in your back pocket.

I thought the baseball was getting bigger.. Then it hit me.

This is a joke my dad told me. He said he originally heard it from his father, who heard it from his father before him. A man goes to the doctor and says ""Doc, I think I have a tapeworm"" The doctor looks at him and says ""Well, we're all out of medicine for that, but there might be something else I can do for you. Come home, then come back tomorrow with an orange, a Twinkie, and a baseball bat"" So the man goes home and gathers up his supplies, then goes to bed and shows up the next day with a…

First Pitch or ... One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, ""You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch.""

Moses and Jesus decide to play golf. First hole is a par 4, fairly straight but there's a pond that stretches from the front of the tee to a spot about 200 yards down the fairway. Jesus pulls a 4-iron out of his bag and steps up to the tee. Moses can't believe it. ""A 4-iron? Are you nuts? You can't clear the water with that!"" Jesus waves him off ""Chill. Arnold Palmer has done it a hundred times."" He tees off and the ball goes 175 yards; right into the pond. Moses sighs, parts the water, and …

What do you call two Mexican men playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

The basketball coach storms into the president office and demands a raise.. The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. ""Jesus Christ, man,"" protested President Kubritski, ""you already make more than the entire English department."" ""Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with,"" the coach blustered. ""Look."" He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. ""Run over to my off…

Donald Trump's Clock It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. ""What's up with those clocks, Peter?"" ""Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged."" The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tell…