Football players, basketball players and soccer players all play with balls. How come my girlfriend refuses to.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with soccer So I said ""On loan or permanent transfer?""

Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU