Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

"No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.

Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard.

Picture me and my boyfriend on a dinner date Wrong We're sitting on the same side of the table making you uncomfortable