Ruth Jokes

A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.

Talking Dog A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office. ""All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?"" asks the agent. The man says, ""Its not me sir, its my dog he talks!"" ""Yeah, right,"" says the agent. ""I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out."" ""No, wait,"" says the man. ""I'll prove it."" He turns to the dog and asks, ""What do you normally find on top of a house?"" ""Roof!"" says the dog, wagging his tail. ""Listen, p…

Ruth! (not sure if repost) A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. ""This dog can speak English,"" he claims to the unimpressed agent. ""Okay, Sport,"" the guys says to the dog, ""what's on the top of a house?"" ""Roof!"" the dog replies. ""Oh, come on..."" the talent agent responds. ""All dogs go roof'."" ""No, wait,"" the guy says. He asks the dog ""what does sandpaper feel like?"" ""Rough!"" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his…

A guy and his dog go into a bar... ...and the guy sits down at the bar. He orders a beer and drinks it, then orders another. The dog sits patiently at his feet. When it comes time for the guy to pay, he looks the barman in the eye and says, ""I'm afraid I don't have any money."" The barman is about to kick this joker's ass when the guy says, ""But I have something even better. I have a magical dog. He can talk."" This is a new one on the barman, and although he's skeptical, he decides to give th…

A man walks into a bar with his dog. ""This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?"" he asks. ""You can have one on the house,"" the bartender says. The man turns to his dog. ""What goes on the top of a house?"" Dog: Roof. Man: ""What does tree bark feel like?"" Dog: Rough. Man: ""Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"" Dog: Ruth. The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. ""That's enough. You and your dog, get out."" After the man and the…

Dog Knows Baseball Trivia Man brings his dog to trivia night at the local bar.... ""How can your dog possibly compete if he can't talk?"" ""Oh, he can talk, watch this: Duke, which player was the first to hit 60 home runs in a season?"" ROOPH....ROOPH! ""C'mon man, he didn't say Ruth, he just barked."" ""Oh yeah, well then listen to this: Duke, who called his shot in the 1932 World Series?"" ROOPH!....ROOPH!! ""Are you serious? Dude, he's just barking. He didn't say Ruth!"" ""Okay, this will con…

The Amazing Talking Dog A man gets a knock on his door, and when he opens it there is a salesman standing there with a dog. The salesman says, ""Good day, sir! Might I interest you in buying this amazing talking dog?"" ""That dog can talk?"" the man says, not believing it. ""It sure can!"" the salesman says, ""Just watch! Okay, dog, what is the thing on top of a house called?"" The dog says, ""Roof!"" ""Okay,"" continues the salesman, ""Now, what does sandpaper feel like?"" The dog says, ""Rough…

Talking dog This shabby looking guy walks into a bar with his dog and sets him up on a bar stool. The barkeep says ""You can't have your dog in here."" The guy says ""We're down on our luck but my dog wants a bowl of beer and I'd just like a water. My dog can talk so I thought you wouldn't mind giving him a beer if he entertains you."" The keep says ""Yeah, sure. Prove it!"" The guy asks his dog ""We've been on the street for a week - tell the bartender how it's been."" The dog replies ""R-R-ROU…

A man walks into a talent scout's office... ... with his dog on a leash. He says to the talent scout, ""this is Rover, my talking dog. He's going to make us rich!"" Skeptical, the talent scout says ""oh yeah? Prove it."" ""not a problem"" says the man. ""Rover, what is the texture of sandpaper?"" ""Ruff!"" replies the dog. The talent scout is not amused. ""Sir, I am very busy. If you are simply going to waste my time..."" The man cuts him off. ""No, let me show you again! Rover, what do you find…

The Talking Dog version two A man walks into a bar with a mutt on a leash. The bartender says ""Hey, Mac. We don't allow dogs in here!"" The man says, ""But wait, he's a special talking dog. Can we stay if I can prove it?"" The bartender thinks for a second and says, ""Fine, prove he can talk and I'll let you stay."" ""OK, Fido,"" says the man. ""What's on top of a house?"" ""Rr-rrr-roof!"" barks Fido. The bartender is not impressed. ""OK, ok, let me try something else,"" says the man. ""Fido, h…

I dumped my girlfriend, Ruth, the other day. I told myself I'm just gonna be Ruthless in love from now on.

Ruth wasn't invited to the party. The people at the party were ruthless.

What do you call... ...a man in a bush? Russel! ...a man in a lake? Bob! ...a man with a car on his head? Jack! ...a man with a spade in his head? Doug! ...a man without a spade in his head? Douglas! ...a man with a toilet on his head? Lou! ...a man with a map on his head? Miles! ...a man hooked to the wall? Art! ...a woman slates on her head? Ruth! ...a man with a plank on his head? Edward! ...a man with TWO planks on his head? Edward Wood! ...a man with THREE planks on his head? Edward Woodwar…

Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly.

Death Notice An old man and his wife had just moved to Australia when the wife passed away after a stroke. While talking to the neighbour about her passing, it was mentioned that in their new country, it is common to announce deaths with a classified ad in that section of the newspaper. Well, the old man decides that's a great idea and heads back home to dial the newspaper. ""Hi there, I'd like to place a death notice."" ""OK then. Firstly, sorry for your loss. Now what would you like it to say?…

I texted my girlfriend Ruth last night to let her know she was dumped ... I wanted to be ruthless

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a nice tan everywhere except where his bathing suit was. So the next day he decided to cover the tanned areas with sand and leave the untanned areas exposed so he could have a nice even tan. After he was lying there for a while, 2 older women came walking by. When they saw him lying there, they stopped and one of them said: ""Ruth, when I was 20, I was afraid of it, when I was 40 I could'nt get enoug…

New Car Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. ""I wonder if the car has seat warmers,"" Ruth wondered. ""It sure does,"" said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. ""Here it is... rear defrosters.""

A man walks into a bar with a dog... A man walks into a bar with a dog, and says he'll bets $50 his dog can talk. The bartender, thinking that's ridiculous, takes up his offer. The man asks the dog "What do you find on top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Hey, that's not fair, ask it a real question!" says the bartender. The man asks again "What do you find on a tree?" "Bark!" answers the dog again. "Are you kidding me? Ask it something a human could answer or I'm kicking you …

Johnny and Ruth are mountain biking down a hill... ...Ruth hits a tree. Johnny continues, ruthlessly.

Ruth and Johnny Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly.

A man walks into a bar with his dog. A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed." The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, wagging…

A guy walks into a bar with his dog... A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed." The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, waggi…

A guy and his dog went into a bar and made a bet with the bartender... A guy and his dog went into a bar and made a bet with the bartender. The guy said his dog could talk and he bet the bartender 1 free drink for him if the dog could answer a question. The bartender says okay because there's know way a dog could talk. The guy asks the dog, "What grows on trees?" "Bark" says the dog. The bartender refuses to give him a drink and makes him ask another question. "What's on top of a house?" asks t…

A man brings his talking dog into the bar... The bartender quickly tells him that no dogs are allowed. The man says, "But sir, this is a talking dog. If i can prove that he can talk, will you let him stay?" The bartender reluctantly agrees. The man looks at his dog and says, "what's on top of your dog house?" The dog says, "Roof!" The bartender crosses his arms, annoyed. The man says, "What does sandpaper feel like?" The dog says, "Rough!" The bartender is annoyed, but gives him one …