They Jokes

Two Christians Were walking in the desert.... They began to feel very hungry and thirsty. Then they saw a nearby mosque. Their names were Chris and Michael and Chris suggested to change names to Muslim names so they would give them food. Chris changed his to Ahmed but Michael refused and didn't change it. They approached the Sheikh of the mosque and the Sheikh asked "" What are your names?"" Chris replied ""My name is Ahmed and this is Michael"" The Sheikh quickly stood up and said ""Quickly get…

Two guys get lost in a desert They keep walking for days and weeks, with no water or food, losing all hope to make it out alive. Suddenly, they see a building in the distance and when they get close, they realize it's a mosque. The first guy, Dave, says: ""Finally! They are muslims, they will help us, but we need to say that we are muslims as well!"" The second guy, Jack says: ""No way, I am Christian, and I will never present myself as a muslim."" Dave says: ""Alright, but we must go in. From n…

So these two bats were hanging out in a cave They were just chillin' when both of them saw this object off in the distance approach at frightening speed. Immediately, one of the bats knew what to do. He swung into action! As the object approached, he stiffened up, went completely rigid, and as the object came within range, he swung his body with all his might and knocked the object clear out of the sky. Astounded, the other bat said, ""Wow, how did you do that? What are you?"" The brave bat said…

One time in band camp... They threatened me with eternal torture. Oh wait that was Bible camp.

Two pedophiles are at the park... They look over and see a five-year-old swinging. One turns to the other and says ""See that chick? Would definitely bang."" His friend takes a better look at the girl, then says ""You think she's hot now--you should've seen her in her prime.""

An Israeli, an Indian and an American are lost in a desert ... They are all hungry, thirsty, tired and close to dying. Finally the Israeli (who is a jew) miraculously stumbles upon an Oasis and they are having a pork sausage sizzle. The Israeli is torn between surviving and being true to his religion and finally decides to eat the sausage. The Indian (who is a hindu) also stumbles upon the oasis just as he had almost given up all hopes of survival. To his dismay they were serving sizzling steaks…

Suljo & Mujo anyone? A favorite author of mine told this joke last night at a signing. He's from Sarajevo. There are a lot of ""Suljo & Mujo"" jokes in Eastern Europe: Suljo & Mujo were life-long friends in Bosnia, but one day Suljo decided to move to the US. After a couple years apart, Mujo decided to visit his friend in the States. Suljo picked Mujo up from the airport in a stretched Cadilac, top of the line. He tells Mujo ""This car, Mujo, this is MY car."" ""Wow, this is a beauti…

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician sit at a bench in a park They see a man walk into a shed. 10 minutes later, two people walk out. The biologist says ""It was reproduction"", the physicist says ""It must be bad data"", but the mathematician doesn't say anything. A few minutes later, someone else walks in the shed. The mathematician goes ""Ok, *now* nobody is in the shed""

Two men wanted to go to a nearby park They drove about 5 minutes to get there. Once they did, they found a sign which read ""Park left"". ""Too bad,"" they said to each other as they turned around to go home.

One from the way-way-back machine, before the Stonewall riots, gay liberation, and PC ... In the Sheridan Square Pam-Pam, all the queens were a-flutter about the handsome young intern who had recently started at St Vincent's, just a few blocks north on 7th Ave. They were animatedly discussing what might be the best way to ""accidentally"" meet him when one of them says ""I've got it ... see you later girls"". A few hours later, the queen shows up at the St Vincent's emergency room when she knows…

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island that is 10 kilometers from shore... They all agree that there is no point waiting to die on the island, so they decide to swim for shore. The brunette goes first, swims three kilometers and drowns. The redhead goes next, swims five kilometers and drowns. The blonde goes last. She swims NINE miles... ...gets tired and swims back.

"Rabbi, rabbi" One day, a teenage boy goes to his father- a rabbi at their small town's only synagogue- and says "Father, it pains me to say this, but I've decided to convert to Christianity." The Rabbi, with no idea what to do, decides to walk ten miles to a much larger city, where he found a synagogue much larger than his own. He says to the rabbi there "Rabbi, rabbi! My son has become a christian! Whatever shall I do?" In reply, the other rabbi tell him "Funny you should ask! My own son has…