Eastern Europe Jokes

[at library] ME: Yes, I'd like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe. LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor ME: Get it? L: This is dialog, I'm not reading it

Eastern Europe - 1989 "If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive"

UN Survey Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- ""Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"" The survey was a huge failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what ""food"" meant. 4. In China they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. 5. In the M…

Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe? They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.

How come the steel clad soldiers from the Ming Dynasty lost to the Knights of Eastern Europe? They had a chink in their armor.

Last month, the UN conducted a worldwide survey. The only question asked was: ""*Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?*"" The survey was a HUGE failure. * In Africa, they didn't know what ""food"" meant. * In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. * In Western Europe, they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. * In China, they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. * In the Middle East, they didn't know what ""soluti…

Ugly woman. Eastern Europe. A very unattractive woman, who no one likes, decides to end her life by jumping into the well. She walks over and looks down. A maintenance man is inside the well. The maintenance man looks up and yells ""Please don't shit in the well!""

This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer. Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. ""Thank you"" replies the customer and walks out. What happened? A: The customer had hiccups. I've used this in many countries in Eastern Europe. It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ""How much for a drink?"" ""For you, sir, no charge!""   What's 2 times 2? Physicist: ""After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!"" Mathematician: ""After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!"" Engineer: ""4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.""   Three logicians walk into a bar. ""You all want …

A man went on a trip to the mountains in Eastern Europe to see the sights... One dark and stormy night he was traveling back to his hotel when his car died. He got out of the car and opened the hood. He checked everything he could think of and couldn't find what was wrong. He pulled out his phone and discovered he had no service. He looked around and noticed an old monastery nestled in a valley between two mountains. He decided it was his best shot and walked up and knocked on the big front door…

Suljo & Mujo anyone? A favorite author of mine told this joke last night at a signing. He's from Sarajevo. There are a lot of ""Suljo & Mujo"" jokes in Eastern Europe: Suljo & Mujo were life-long friends in Bosnia, but one day Suljo decided to move to the US. After a couple years apart, Mujo decided to visit his friend in the States. Suljo picked Mujo up from the airport in a stretched Cadilac, top of the line. He tells Mujo ""This car, Mujo, this is MY car."" ""Wow, this is a beauti…

Don't get pulled over in Eastern Europe Ivan gets pulled over by traffic police, so he tells them the usual sob story about how he's very poor, he can't pay the ticket etc. etc. So at first the cops are like okay give us some money, we'll make it go away. Ivan though won't back down and tells them how he's been laid off recently from the banitza factory, his mother in law is trying to convince his wife to divorce him and take the kids away etc. etc. So the cops relent and ask that he only buys t…

The monk joke. All credit goes to my Spanish teacher, Mr. Garcia. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, a man goes on a trip to the mountains in an Eastern European country to see the sights. One dark and stormy night he was traveling back to his hotel when his car died. He got out of the car and opened the hood. He checked everything he could think of and couldn't find what was wrong. He pulled out his phone and discovered he had no service. He looked…

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character. An Estonian stands by a railway track. Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down. The first one asks: ""Is it a long way to Tallinn?"" ""Not too long."" He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down. After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: ""Is it a long way still to Tallinn?"" ""Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.""

What do you call an arcade in eastern europe? czech-e-cheese

A small collection of my favorite science jokes A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?” “For you, sir, no charge!”   What's 2 times 2? Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!” Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!” Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”   Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” t…

The United Nations world-wide survey The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world. The survey went like this: "We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world" The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure: The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean.…

In the wake of inflation, and the conflict in Eastern Europe... ... the German government predicts an imminent shortage of sausage and cheese, and are formulating a plan for emergency intervention to deal with this impending crisis. They're referring to the plan as their Wurst/Kase scenario.

Three women - two from Eastern Europe and one from America - walk into a bar.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: ""Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what ""food"" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. In China they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what ""solution"" meant. In South …

Where in Eastern Europe does Justin Timberlake like to kayaking? Crimea River

What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day? A Buddha Pest.