Desert Island Jokes

Stranded.. Two men are stranded on a life raft after their plane crashed into the ocean. After a few days of floating around aimlessly they find a bottle which turns out to be a magic lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie comes out and says ""I will grant you only one wish, so choose wisely!"" One of the men, dying of thirst jumps up and says ""I wish for all the beer we can drink!!"" So the genie snaps his fingers and turns the ocean into ice cold beer. The man's friend punches him in the face an…

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive. He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage: The Spaniard will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of shelter. And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies. A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left. ""Wh…

Five men are stranded in the desert after their plane crashes. (This is a joke to be told rather than read. With as big an audience as possible. Exaggerated actions and yarn-spinning positively encouraged.) A plane is downed in the Sahara desert. Five men survive the crash, stranded in the middle of the harsh and unforgiving dust of Northern Africa. They have five bottles of water between them, and decide to try and walk towards civilisation. Weary, shaken and delirious, they set off on their jo…

Three friends were on a desert island. They were Roger, a married man, Carl, a famous athlete, and Stevie, the third friend usually alone. One day, while working on their survival, they came across a brass lamp on the ground. They each took turns cleaning it, when all of the sudden a genie came out! All three were startled by the billowing form of the genie hovering over them, and watched in awe. The genie spoke, saying ""I have been asleep for ten thousand years. Who awoke me?"" Roger said, ""W…

There were 5 guys and a girl on a deserted island After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.

2 friends shipwrecked on a desert island..... ....walking around trying to find help they got captured by a tribute living on that island. The chief of tribute , that is against all laughters, says to them: ""well.. I will give you ONE chance to get out from here alive, what you will need to do is: go into the jungle, and bring me back 50 fruits (each of you) of the same kind under 30 minutes and if you ever laugh during this challenge... you die!"" So the two guys storm into the jungle to find …

Supplies A Frenchman, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese are all stranded on an island. They decide to make the Place a little More homely and it. is Decided That each Person shall take on a particular role. The Englishman is an architect, so he is given the task of building a suitable dwelling. The German is an engineer, so he is given the task of equipping the house with running water, heating, cooking facilities etc. the Frenchman is a professional chef, so he is to provide the food. The …

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Buddhist Monk are stranded on a hostile island They are quickly caught by the vicious tribe that inhabits the island. The chief of the tribe gives the 3 men 2 choices: Death or what he calls ""the Barbarians"" The Rabbi is the first to choose, he doesn't want to die so he chooses the latter. All of a sudden he is grabbed by the throat and dragged into a tent where he is then beaten and tortured until he is at the brink of death at which point he is thrown out of the tent,…

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde woman are stranded on a deserted island. The mainland is 100 miles away. They each decide to try to swim there individually. The brunette goes first; she swims 25 miles, then gets eaten by a shark. The redhead goes second; she swims 40 miles, gets tired, and drowns. Finally it's the blonde's turn. She swims 50 miles, then says: ""Wow this is tiring, I'm not sure if I can continue"" and swims back to the island.

two guys stranded in a boat dying of thirst find magic lamp... ...floating in the ocean. They rub the lamp and a genie appears and offers them a wish. One of the guys out of desperation asks for the whole ocean to be turned into fresh water... The genie snaps his fingers and he disappears along with the lamp, and the ocean is now fresh water. ""You idiot!!"" shouts the other guy.... ""Now we have to piss in the boat!""

Death or Buki? Three men are marooned on a desert island. They wander the island looking for food and are captured by some hostile natives. They are brought before the chief who says ""You decide. Death or Buki?"" The first man replies ""uhh...Buki I think."" He is immediately taken by the crowd and sodomized. The second man horrified says. ""Oh God...Buki."" He also is taken by the crowd and suffers the same fate. Finally the third man says. ""Death!"" the chief raises an eyebrow and says. ""De…

Three guys are shipwrecked on a desert island. Unfortunately for them, they're quickly taken prisoner by the native cannibal tribe. The cannibal chief comes to the tree where they're tied up and says, ""I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, we're cannibals, and we're going to kill each of you, eat the meat and use the skin to make a canoe. The good news is, we believe in honor, so you can choose the way you will die."" The first captive doesn't want to feel anything, so he says, ""I'd …

Stranded snowmobiler A guy was riding his snowmobile through the woods when it unexpectedly broke down. He was exposed to temperatures well below zero for hours. Finally, he saw somebody riding by and he flagged him over. He explained that he didn't know anything about mechanics and politely asked the gentleman would kindly take a look at it for him. The guy opens the hood of the snowmobile and immediately said, ""Well, it looks to me like you blew a seal!"" The guy (embarrassed) says, ""No...th…

Three blondes stuck on a desert island. When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie. ""I shall grant you three wishes"" he states. The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship. With a click, she was gone. The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with. Click! She vanished. The third blonde looked upset. ""Whats the matter"" asked the genie. ""I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back""

There's three guys stranded on an island A black guy, a white guy, and a latino guy. The water is absolutely filled with crocodiles and the only way off of the island is to jump across three crocodiles backs. The black guy volunteers to go first. He jumps on the first crocodiles back and it flips over and eats him. The white guy having seen this thinks that the first croc won't eat him since it's full, and he may be fast enough to get across. He makes it to the second croc and gets eaten. The la…

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island that is 10 kilometers from shore... They all agree that there is no point waiting to die on the island, so they decide to swim for shore. The brunette goes first, swims three kilometers and drowns. The redhead goes next, swims five kilometers and drowns. The blonde goes last. She swims NINE miles... ...gets tired and swims back.

How about a blonde joke thread? A red head, a brunette, and a blonde are stranded on an island, but can see the mainland off in the distance. Not feeling any sense of danger, the gang decides to race back home. ""How about this,"" suggests the brunette, ""we'll all swim back, doing a breast stroke, and the last one to make it has to buy drinks for us all."" The red head and the brunette make it back in about an hour, but the blonde is nowhere to be found. Two days later, the blonde shows up, wet…

Barnyard Tales A salesman gets lost in the country one night and sees he's low on gas. He sees a light on in a farmhouse and decides to stop and ask for directions. The farmer who answers the door listens to his request for directions but instead says to the salesman, ""Why don't you just stop for the night and stay over? These back roads can be mighty treacherous and I'd hate to see you get stranded out here. I can put you up in my barn for the night, then in the morning you can get a nice big …

My favorite joke 3 men get stranded on an island. These men are captured by local cannibals. Now the cannibals being merciful tell the 3 men that they will provide them with any weapon they want to kill themselves, in which afterwards they will be eaten and their skins with be made into boats. So the first guy says can i have a gun. He is given a gun, he shoots himself and they make a boat out of him. The second guy asks for a knife. He is given what he asks for and he stabs himself to death and…

Three friends were on a deserted island... ...when they found a brass lamp. One of them rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared. ""You have freed me, and for that I can grant you each one wish."" The first friend was really hungry, so he asked the genie to send him to an iHop. The genie snapped his fingers, and he was sent there. The second friend missed his family, so he asked the genie to send him back. The genie snapped his fingers, and the man was sent home. The third friend was quiet. The gen…

A Jew, a German, and and an Irishman are stranded in the desert. The German falls to his hands and knees and cries out, ""I'm tired! I'm thirsty! I need a nice German beer."" The Irishman does the same, mumbling, ""I'm tired! ""I'm thirsty! I need a Guinness."" The Jew looks down and says, ""I'm tired! I'm thirsty! I must have diabetes.""

The three most important things to have in a survival situation. Every survival kit needs to have three things. 1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm. 2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt. 3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say ""That can go there."" Boom, you're saved.

Three men on a deserted island find a genie. The genie will grant the men three wishes, so they decide to take a wish each. The first man wishes to be home with his family and his wish is granted. The second man wishes to be in Vegas with many beautiful women and his wish is granted. The third man says ""I'm getting kind of lonely, I wish those guys were here with me again.""

A marooned Baptist is rescued by a ship. A Baptist has been stranded on a deserted island for two years. Upon being rescued, a sailor asks: ""You survived. Remarkable. How did you do it?"" The Protestant says, ""By the grace of God. Come, let me show you where I lived."" So the sailors and the castaway retreat into the jungle. After a short walk, the sailors and the shipwrecked man come upon three mud huts. The captain, suspicious that the castaway might not be telling the entire truth, asks: ""…

So a man who had been stranded on an island 7 years was finally rescued... as the ship was pulling away from the island one of his rescuers was looking back at the island and noticed three huts on the beach. Curious, he asked the castaway what they were for. ""Well"" he replied ""the first one there was my house and that one over there is my church"" ""and the other?"" asked the sailor. ""Oh that...thats the church I used to go to""