Desert Island Jokes

If i was stranded on an island with a fully functioning plane and a runaway,, I'd still be stranded on an island.

Atilla the Hun, Adolf Hitler and a lawyer are stranded with you on a island ... - and you have a gun with only 2 bullets, who do you shoot? -- The lawyer twice.

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash. Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says: ""Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you"", she says to the first guy, ""and the other day it's the other"". And so they have a whale of time taking turns, enjoying their business together for one whole mon…

A Blond, Burnett and a Red Head are stuck on a deserted Island. After days of searching for a way off, they come across a lamp. After picking it up a genie appears. The genie tells them that if the want to get of the Island they need to run and jump off the cliff. As they fall to the ocean below yell out want you want to turn into and you will be able to get away safely. The Redhead runs off the cliff and yells ""Eagle"" and flies away safely. The Burnett jumps off the cliff yells ""Dolphin"" an…

So, a guy's fishing on a boat.. ..after fishing all day he runs out of gas. After sitting on the water stranded for hours, another boat pulls alongside and offers help. Desperate for help, the stranded fisherman asks ""Hey can I borrow them two oars?!?"" The man quickly responds ""Them ain't oars, that's my mother and my sister""

If Trump and Hillary were stranded on a boat, who would survive?? America.

Stranded unfortunately... 3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into the jungle and find 10 pieces of the exact same fruit and bring them back here for judgement. If they fail the judgement then they will be eaten! The Chief also informs that if they try …

A botanist, a forager and a gender studies professor are stranded on and island On this island, they encounter some hungry natives. The chief says to collect some fruits, but they can't be berries, as it would be too easy. If they got a berry, they would be instanly executed; if not, they would be free to leave. All three of them were subscribed to /r/jokes, so knowing the joke, they all split up to find small non-berries. The botanist comes back with blackberries, the forager comes back with ra…

Three men are ship wrecked After a week on the island they are discovered by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals take them to their chief who gives the stranded men a choice. Go out into the woods, gather ten of your favorite fruit and return to me for further instruction, refuse and die. So the men set out. After a few hours the first man returns with 10 bananas. ""What now?"" he asked the chief. ""Take your fruit and start shoving it up your ass, if you make a sound we kill you"". The man gets…

3 men get stranded on a desert island After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, ""Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit."" The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says ""Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you."" He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinche…

If Hilary Clinton and Donald trump go on a stranded island together who survives? America.

Two men were stranded on a tropical island... They got to a bridge with a guard next to it. ""I won't let you walk over my bridge unless you bring me three things that satisfy me."" The two men search the island, and the first man returns with three blueberries. The guard says; ""Shove them up your butt."" The man proceeds to do what the guard asked for, and then starts laughing hysterically. The guard asks; ""What's so funny about shoving blueberries up your butt?"" The man, who is laying on th…

HAHAHAHAHAHAH donald trump and hillary are stranded on a boat, and it sinks, so who survives? AMERICA

3 Football fans go on holiday... Each supporting different teams one Hartlepool, one Liverpool and the other Arsenal. Their plane crashes in the middle of the ocean and each of them washes up on a desert island where there is nothing but a single sheep. They kill the sheep and use its wool for warmth until they get hungry. Hartlepool fan: ""I'm from hartlepool so i'll have the heart"" Liverpool fan: ""I'm from Liverpool so i'll have the liver"" Arsenal fan: ""Urm... I'm not hungry""

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are on a desert island. The blonde, starts swimming home and drowns. The redhead builds a raft, starts paddling then it sinks and she drowns. The brunette uses the bridge.

A man is in a plane crash and washes up on a deserted island... He's there for weeks, and is nearly losing hope. Finally one day, a box floats up onto the beach: RESCUE KIT. He's ecstatically excited, thinking he's finally free. But when he opens it up, all there is is a deck of cards. He breaks down sobbing, thinking ""How ridiculous! What kind of rescue kit is this!?"" But later he gets bored. He deals out a game of solitaire on a rock and starts playing. Not even two minutes go by when a man …

A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not tel…

Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean... Who survives? America.

Granted. A plane crashed in a deserted island. All but 3 friends died. They walked around the island and stumbled upon a magic lamp. They rubbed it and a genie appear and grants them 1 wish each. John wished, ""I wish I was in a castle with lots of food"". ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! John disappeared and went to a castle. Anthony wished to be home with his family. ""Granted"", says the Genie. And poof! Anthony disappeared and the next thing he know, he's with his family. Now the last …

An American man, a British man, and a Polish man are asked what they would bring with them if they were stranded in the desert The American said he would bring food, the British man said he would bring water, and the Polish man said he would bring a car door, so that if it got too hot, he could roll down the window.

Three famous footballers are on a plane... Three famous footballers are on a plane and all of a sudden it crashes on a desert island. All three players survive but all the crew but the pilot's bodies are irretrievable. They decide to cannibalise the pilots body to survive, the first players says, ""I support Manchester so i will eat the chest."" the next player says ""I support Liverpool so i will eat the liver."" the Final player says ""I support Arsenal but i'm not hungry""

Three men run into a yeti... Three men get stranded in Antarctica. While searching for a place to camp out, they run into a yeti. The yeti says ""Each of you bring me a fruit or I'll kill you."" The first man comes back with strawberries and the yeti says ""Shove them up your ass."" He does so and begins crying. The second man comes back with oranges and the yeti says ""Shove them up your ass."" He does so and begins crying. While the two men are crying, they slowly transition into laughing and …

Three men get stranded on an island. They are captured by some by some cannibals. The chief tells them in order not to be eaten, they must go search and collect 10 of the same fruit from somewhere on the island and bring it back to him. They split up and go searching for fruits. Guy number one comes back carrying ten apples. The chief tells him in order to live, he must put all 10 of the apples up his butt without any noise or displays of emotion. He fits two up his butt and starts crying and is…

International relations The United Nations noticed that there was a lot of dissent among its ranks and relationships were strained. The UN leaders called a meeting and came up with a plan to increase morale that was discussed and agreed upon by all members. The plan was to take a representative from three different countries and place them on a deserted island for a year. They asked for volunteers. The representative from Greece stood up and shared how one of their own should be on the island be…

Zalporin Luke and Leia are on a mission to a remote Rebel base when they receive a distress call from the Millennium Falcon. Tracing its homing beacon, they discover that the ship is stranded on a planet called Zalporin, on the other side of the galaxy. ""I've heard of this world,"" Leia says, gravely concerned. ""It's an inhospitable, barren hunk of rock. We must hurry!"" But even at top speed, it takes their X-Wing over a week to reach Zalporin. They follow the Falcon's signal to an isolated s…