Desert Island Jokes

There was a salmon fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank. He was lucky enough to make to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find. When the Coastguard eventually found him the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around. He went over to the fisherman and said ""You know it's illegal to kill a California Condor I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you."" The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed…

Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish. So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army. The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off. The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says"" Let's go over the bridge.""

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles is exhausted gives up and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island decides she's too tired to go any farther and swims all the way back to the deserted island.

An oldie but goodie Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish…

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist... are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food. "Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist. "No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree" "I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

One I remember from high-school (kids, stay away) So, there are these two guys and a woman who get stranded on an island. After a couple of months of trying to escape and learning to survive, they decide to tough it out on the island until someone comes by and rescues them. With the obvious urges exceedingly present and with their lack of options, they decide to enter into a ménage à trois -- the deal being that the woman will spend one week with one of the men, and then switch. This goes…

three men stranded on a desert island... 3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit." The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you." He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the proce…

A man, a sheep and a dog were stranded in an island.. A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over…

A man becomes marooned on a deserted island... He's learned how to survive and manages to keep up the routine for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach a gorgeous woman walks out of the waves in full scuba gear. He runs up to her ecstatic to see another human face. He is still in disbelief when he says, "Are... are you real?" She nods and responds with, "How long have you been here?" "Ten years." "So how long has it been since you tasted your dear friend Jack?" "Ten years." She o…

Penguin Truck So there's a truck driver with a very important delivery: penguins to be delivered to the zoo. Unfortunately, his truck breaks down and they are stranded in the middle of a desert. Luckily , a passer by has a pickup truck. So the truck driver flags him down and says: "here is $300. Go take these penguins to the zoo." So the driver goes and takes them. Later the truck driver sees the other driver, and following him are the penguins. The trucker is furious and shouts at him: "what a…

A purple man has a purple wife. They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"

Starving Men On An Island There are two starving men stranded on an island with only a rusty old knife. The first man says, “Well, I think our only choice is to eat each other's legs. We're not walking around, anyway. And we need food”. The other man agrees. So the first man begins sawing and crudely cutting the other man's legs off. I after about an hour of excruciating pain, the second man's legs are completely off of his body, so he says, “Okay, your turn. Give me the knife”. So the first ju…

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker? Stranded

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive. He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage: The Spaniard will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of shelter. And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies. A year passes on the isl…

A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island. Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, "You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish." The brunette says, "I wish I were home with my family!" "So it is done," the genie says, and the girl is poofed home. The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, "Aw man, I wish she hadn't left me here."

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally.... .....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity. He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his se…

Three guys are stranded on an island populated with cannibals. The king of the cannibals tells them that there is a way to get out of the island if they accomplish a certain task. So the king says to the three men, "Collect ten of any single type of fruit and bring them to me." The three men quickly get to work and starts looking for fruits. The first man that returns has 10 bananas and offers them to the king. But the king tells him, "It's not over yet. You are to insert all the fruits i…

A man, a dog and a pig are in a boat... Lost at sea, they wreck the boat and swim to a deserted island. Stranded there for months with little to do, the man begins to get urges and becomes oddly attracted to the pig. The man tries to mount the pig one day and out of no where the dog runs up and bites the man. Two days later, the man tries again. Again, the dog bites the man. The dog is not letting this happen. This continues to happen and suddenly, the man hears a cry from the water and sees a …

The bacon tree. Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance. He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon tree!! A juicy delicious bacon tree!" At this point Juan takes off in a sprint towards the bacon tree when out of nowhere he is gunned down! Carlos runs to Juan's side as he lay there dyin…

Island Joke A white guy, a Mexican guy and a Chinese guy are stranded on an island. The white guy says, "okay, we need to get to work if we're going to survive. I'll hunt for food. Mexican guy, you go build us shelter. Chinese guy, you go get us some supplies. We'll meet back here at sunset." The white guy is roasting a pig over the fire, while the Mexican guy is putting the finishing touches on the shelter. As the sun sinks into the horizon, the Mexican guy finally asks: "so... where's the C…

Stranded on a Deserted Island Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

So these two guys get stranded in the desert... So these two guys get stranded in the desert, their car is broken down, they are out of water and help is no where in sight... Except for a shack in the distance. So the two make their way to the shack and knock. An old, ugly, wrinkly, greasy woman answers the door. It smells like she hasn't showered for years. One guy tells her "please we're thirsty and on the brink of death. Can we have some water?" Her eyes squint and she begins to smile "it's…

A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche... A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money!?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?" they asked. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don…

A man, a dog, and a sheep are washed up on an island... A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned ov…

An American, a Brit, and a Japanese guy are stranded on a desert Island... ...the American says, "We're great at running the world, so I'll be President of the island." The Brit says, "We do whatever you blokes say, so I'll be Vice President." The American starts drawing out plans to build shelter and explaining them to the Brit. The Japanese guy asks, "Wait, what about me?" "Umm, you can be in charge of supplies." So the Japanese guy goes off into the jungle and the American and Brit commence…