Desert Island Jokes

Three people from the UK, the US, and Japan are stranded on a deserted island Three people from the UK, the US, and Japan are stranded on a deserted island with no rescue in sight. The Brit suggests dividing tasks: "I'll handle building, the American can take care of food, and the Japanese will handle supplies." After a few hours, the Brit finishes building a house, the American prepares a great dinner, but the Japanese is nowhere to be found. As they search, the Japanese suddenly jumps out fro…

Requited prayer Two men are stranded on a deserted island, an atheist and a Christian. The next day the atheist picks up a sharp rock, fells a palm tree and laboriously carves out its trunk to build a boat, while the Christian is on his knees praying ceaselessly. Day in day out, the two engage in the same activities, working and praying, until some weeks later when the boat seems to be almost complete. The Christian comes over but sees that there's only one seat. He lifts up his head and with t…

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island The only thing on the island besides the three academics is a single can of beans. They are discussing how to get it open. The physicist suggests that they build a fire and heat up the can until the pressure causes the can to explode. The chemist says “No, no, the beans will fly everywhere, land on the ground, and get all sandy. Our only food will be ruined.” Instead, the chemist suggests, they should use the corrosi…

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a joint?" "Ten years," rep…

A English man, an Irish man and an American are stranded on an island, until they find a genie. The genie explains to them that usually he'd give them 3 wishes, but because there's three people and they all found him equally, that everyone gets one wish. First, the English man makes his wish. "Well, I've been stranded on this island for 2 years now, so I wish to go back home to my family in England." The genie grants his wish, and the English man disappears with a poof. Now, it's time for t…

A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who’s been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts… “What’s the first hut for?” he asks. “That’s my house,” says the castaway. “What’s the second hut for?” “That’s my church.” “And the third hut?” “Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”

A Jewish man is stranded on an island for 20 years He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings. He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by. “There’s the supermarket. And the bank. And the saloon. Over there is my synagogue, where I went to pray that someone would come rescue me.” A rescuer pointed t…

There's an English man, an Irish man and a Scots man... They're all stranded on this Desert Island. The cannibals come and say "right you're coming back with us and we are going to skin you and turn you into canoes" So... they arrive at their camp and the cannibals say "before you're killed you each get one last request" The scots man is first and says 'I want the finest whisky that you can find me" he has his whisky and is killed, skinned and turned into a canoe The English man is next, he …

Walk A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright--but after a few months he gets "lonely". The pig starts to look more and more attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out th…

I have this recurring nightmare where not only am I forced to become Vegan I'm then stranded alone on a desert island and there's nobody to tell.

A guy was stranded alone walking in the desert. He comes across a bacon tree, "ah a bacon tree! I'm saved!" he shouts. Moments later he was gunned down. Turns out it was a hambush

Al, Ben, and Carl were stranded on a deserted island. One day Al found an old jar in the sand. When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island." "In that case," said Al, "I wish for 365 books, so that I can read one per day for a year." Instantly, 365 books appeared. "I wish for 365 cans of beer,"…

A man was having a few in the local bar when he noticed a sailor sitting at the other end of the bar. The sailor had a completely normal physique except for one anomaly: his head was tiny, about the size of an orange. The man stared at the sailor in puzzlement, and after a few more drinks screwed up his courage to go over and ask the sailor how his condition had come about. The sailor took the question in good humor, and explained that some time ago he had been shipwrecked. “I came to,” he ex…

Social experiment Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise deserted island. They decided on one man from France, one from Germany, and one from Japan. The German was told he is in charge of shelter, the Frenchman was put in charge of meals, and the Japanese was told he was in charge of supplies. The three were left alone on the island for 6 month. When the researchers returned, the German greeted them and showed the around t…

A pirate walked into a bar. He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious. "How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked. The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg." The bartender said "What about your hook?" The pirate took another long swig. "Arrrr, twas the day the British navy caught me. They tied me to the mast, I escaped by gnawing my own hand off." The …

Eric is stranded on an island... Eric is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne. "I'm screwed." Eric whispers to himself. Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. "No, you are not." he says to Eric, and proceeds to pick up a small rock from the ground. "You must take this magic rock and throw it at the cannibal king." Eric desperately throws…

Three women are trapped on a deserted island Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a deserted island, but can see in the distance land with obvious signs of civilization. On the first day the brunette decides to swim to the next shore, she makes it about 1/4 of the way before she realizes she can't make it and swims back. On the second day, the red head tries. She makes it about 1/3 of the way before she realizes she is too tired and will not make it, so she swims b…

A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.

‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

A Jewish Lady was stranded A JEWISH LADY named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said

3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard

3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island Like everyone

An Scotsman stranded on a deserted island looks up and sees a beautiful woman scuba diver walking out of the water. He’s been there for years and is speechless. She walks up and says

3 men get stranded on a desert island After wandering around a while

A group of men end up stranded on an island full of cannibals... They are taken up by the cannibals and say that they will give them certain tasks each day and if they do not complete the tasks