Desert Island Jokes

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years..... ...One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. ""Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."" The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fac…

So man is stranded in the desert... And it's been a cruel trip with nothing but his camel and some supplies. And just as any man would he got some urges. Figuring its the middle of no where and he had nothing to lose he positions himself behind his camel and tries to have his way with it. But each time he'd try the camel would gallop away. Angered by this continues on with his trip until he here's the voices of two women crying out for help. He finds them both stuck in a hole and they are gorgeo…

So there are two blondes stranded on an island.... One of them finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie pops out. He says, ""I shall grant you each one wish"". The blonde who rubbed the lamp requests a cell phone to call for help, however, it was useless because there was no reception on the island. The second blonde said, ""I want to be smarter than this other blonde!"" So, the genie pointed her to the bridge.

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out. The were stranded for two hours.

A biologist, a physicist, and an engineer are on a plane that crashes... ...and luckily they are washed up on a deserted island, along with several crates of canned food. However, no can opener washes up with them, and there is nothing sharp on the island, so the three scientists must figure out how to open the cans. The biologist sticks the can in the water, saying, ""The salt water should eat through the metal, allowing us to get to the food inside."" When this doesn't work, the physicist take…

three guys are on a deserted island... Just recently shipwrecked. As they each regain consciousness they realize they are surrounded by cannibals. The cannibals put each man into a bamboo cage and hold them there over night. The next morning the natives hand each man a palm leaf sack and explain to them that they are to gather a single fruit until the sack is full, then return before sundown or they will be hunted and eaten. The men each set off in differing directions and got started. About mid…

An englishman, a German and a chinaman crash on a deserted island... A plane crashes in the pacific ocean, and only three survivors wash ashore a deserted island: An Englishman, a German and a Chinaman (A more stereotypical joke setup you'd be hard-pressed to find). So the German takes charge, tells the two others: ""you brit, build us a shelter, I will go out to find food. You, chinese boy, there must have been something left from the plane, take care of the supplies"". Several hours later, the…

A plane is going down... An airplane of holiday makers is flying over the pacific when the engine fails and takes a nosedive. Everyone dies except for 3: two guys and one girl. They wash up on a beach of a deserted island and set about building a fire, fishing, making a shelter etc. When the sun goes down and they are bored there is only one thing to do, so they do what comes naturally to them . . . This set up continues untill the girl gets sick, soon after she dies. The two guys are alone. So …

Irishman granted three wishes An Irishman, stranded on a desert island finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie comes out, and tells the Irishman he will grant three wishes. Irishman: ""My first wish is that all of my friends and family back home will live happy lives."" Genie: ""Granted, what is your second wish?"" Irishman: ""My second wish is for a pint of Guinness that refills itself every time it is emptied."" Genie: ""Granted, what is your third wish?"" The Irishman takes a sip of the G…

Three men are stranded on a remote island and get captured by cannibals The chief tells the three men, ""Tonight, you will be killed. However, you have one chance to save yourselves. Go now into the woods and gather ten of whatever fruit you find, then bring it back here."" The three men go off into the woods. The first man returns some time later with 10 apples. The chief says, ""Very good. Now, for us to spare your life, you must shove all ten apples up your butt without making a single sound.…

A man is stranded on a deserted island for 10 years. One day, a gorgeous blond woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear arrives on the island. She comes up to the man and says, ""How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"" ""Ten years!"" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, ""Man, oh man! Is that ever good!"" Then she asks, ""How long has it been since you …

A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.

The Pope and Raquel Welch are stranded on a life boat They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, ""Those aren't buoys""

a scientist, a physicist, and an economist... a scientist, and physicist and an economist were trapped on a desert island. they had one can of beans but no can opener. the scientist said ""lets assume that i smash the can with a rock then we could split the beans evenly,"" but the others said they would lose too much in the process. the physicist said ""lets assume i put the can in the fire and wait til it pops open and then we split the beans evenly,"" but the others said it could explode and t…

A man is stranded in the middle of a desert. Thirsty and desperate, he stumbles upon a small camp owned by a priest. The priest sees him and decides to help the poor man by lending him his horse to ride to the nearest town. ""There's just one thing you need to know about this horse,"" says the priest. ""He's very religious, so to get him to move say 'Thank God', and say 'Amen' to get him to stop."" The man mounts up and starts to ride towards town, saying ""Thank God, Thank God,"" as the horse b…

An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island... ... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work. The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies. Each sets off in their separate directions. The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable. The American soon returns with enough food…

Two brothers and their sister are stranded on a desert island... [nsfw] ... after the first week of being of the island, the sister is so ashamed by what has transpired between them that she commits suicide. After another week, the brothers get so ashamed by what they're doing that they decide they should bury her. After yet another week, the brothers are so appalled at their behaviour that they decide to dig her up again.

If the log rolls over, we're gonna die! (This is really best told around a campfire or some other scary story circle. It should be delivered as a scary story right till the end. My dad loves to tell this one.) A couple got stranded in a storm out in the middle of no where. There was nothing but pasture and woods all around them, and a single house. They run to the house and bang on the door, but it opens at the pounding of the man's fist on the wood. He walks inside cautiously, while the wife fo…

Three men are stranded on an island... All of a sudden the Chief of the island walks up to the three men and says, ""I will let you go if you can find any 10 fruit on the island and shove them up your ass, but if you make any expression on your face, I'll kill you."" So the first man brings apples, gets through about three and makes an expression of pain, so the chief kills him. The next man comes with berries, he gets through about nine then all of a sudden bursts out laughing, so the chief kil…

So an American, a Brit, and a Chinese guy are stuck on a deserted island.. the American turns to the other two and says, ""Okay, we have to survive somehow until help arrives. I'll get some water to drink, the brit should get some wood for the fire, and the chinese guy should get some supplies for the shelter."" 2 hours go by and the American and the British guy are back. They couldn't find the Chinese guy anywhere around, so they went around looking for him. Searching for him, they walk around …

How did the sailor stranded on an island with a calendar survive a year? Eating the dates and Sundays.

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island. One finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. The first blonde says, ""I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island."" Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says, ""I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!"" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says, ""I wish I was 50% sma…

Some british humour A shipwreck survivor is found after a long time. On the island where he seeked refuge while stranded, authorities found three huts. Since he was the only one living there, they asked him why he had bothered to build three. He answered: ""You see, one's my home. The other one's a club. The last one's the club i don't go to.""

A penguin is driving through the desert The car begins to lurch and smoke pours from the hood. The penguin stops at a small gas station on the side of the otherwise desolate road. Luckily, a mechanic is available. ""Give me a few minutes and I'll let you know what I find out"" he tells the stranded penguin. So the penguin heads inside the gas station's market and buys an ice cream. He steps outside to eat it. The hot desert sun begins to melt the ice cream faster than the penguin can consume it.…

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island. After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself. After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her. Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.