Desert Island Jokes

A Fisherman, Politician, Husband, and a wife all get stranded on a island inhabited by cannibals The cannibals capture them and tell them that they used eat and live off fish but after doing it so long they got sick of it and now hate fish. The cannibals tell them that if they have something good to offer they will let them borrow a boat and leave, and if they don't they will be eaten. The next day the the cannibals take the politician inside their hut and after a few hours they come out of the …

I was stranded in the swamp for days with no food I had no choice but to hunt down large white birds and eat them. Through the whole ordeal, I found myself filled with egret.

Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America

A plane crashes next to a deserted island... ... the survivors gather up and the american quickly takes charge and divides everyone into different jobs. He assigns one japanese passenger to go into forest and gather supplies. Days go by without the japanese passenger returning. At some point the group decides to go look for him. Entering the forest, suddenly the japanese guy jumps down from a tree and yells ""SUPPLIES SUPPLIES!!""

So there was this magician... So there was this magician who did shows all around the world. One gig he got was on a cruise ship. The captain of the ship had a parrot who's cage was right next to the stage. While doing his first show on the cruise, the parrot kept talking, saying things like, ""Bgah! Why are you hiding that wand in your sleeve?"" and ""Hey! Why are all those cards spades?"" So the magician really had a thing against this parrot since he was the captains beloved companion and cou…

A guy walks into a bar... At the other end of the bar, he sees a sailor with a head the size of an orange. Curious, he puts a few drinks back and builds up the courage to ask the guy what happened. Sailor: Many years ago, I was on a ship that capsized on a deserted island. When I came to, I heard a whimpering sound coming from behind a giant rock. When I went to investigate, I found a mermaid! She offered me three wishes if I would bring her back to the water. So, I picked her up and brought her…

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, ""Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon."" ""Really? Why do you think so?"" ""I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.""

The Caged Gorilla A family was shipwrecked after their sightseeing boat got caught in a storm. A mother, father, son and grandfather washed up on a deserted island. They had seen enough episodes of The Swiss Family Robinson to know they had to prepare for a new life without being rescued. They made do with what they had and lived relatively comfortably. After a few years the grandfather would leave each night after dinner and go for a walk on the beach. As the grandson grew older he got very cur…

A man is trapped on a desert island... .... with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling …

Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island. 1) Check spelling. 2) If correct, enjoy.

A magician performs on a cruise A magician is performing on a cruise when one of the rich clients comes in with her pet parrot. He disappears one of the assistants from the stage and the parrot inmediately explains how it was done. Infuriated, he asks the woman to leave the premises. ""Oh, I'm terribly sorry"". She says. ""My husband is also a great magician and the parrot learned everything about it from him."" The next day the magician performs his newest illusion and makes three trained dogs …

A lawyer finds a magical lamp A lawyer is stranded in the middle of the desert. He finds a lamp and rubs it. Magically, a genie comes out of the lamp and says >""You have freed me. You now have three wishes. But you should know, whatever you wish for, all the other lawyers on Earth will get double."" The man says > ""I understand. My first wish will be a large beach house."" The genie snapped his fingers and said >""Your new beach house is waiting for you. But all the other lawyers on E…

A man is stranded on a desert island As he is walking along the beach, bemoaning his current situation, he kicks something in the sand. It's a magic lamp! He rubs it and a genie appears. ""I will grant you three wishes."" Says the genie. The man thinks for a moment and says, ""For my first wish, I'd like a boat with a full tank of gas!"" The genie nods and snaps his fingers. A speedboat appears in the water. ""And your second wish""? The man speaks almost immediately. ""Ten million dollars cash …

A man is found alone on a deserted island The sailor who found him saw three huts that were built by the man. The sailor asks, ""What's that first hut?"" ""Oh, that's my house!"", replied the man. ""And the second?"", the sailor asked again. ""That's my church where I worship!"", the man said. ""So, what does that make the third?"" ""Oh, that's where I used to go to church.""

3 people were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean The first person is missing his family. His wife just had his son and he misses him very much. The second person is also sad because he had just got married yesterday. The third person however, can do nothing but smile. All of a sudden, a lamp falls out of the sky and onto the hands of the first person. Person 2: a lamp! Maybe there's a genie in it! Rub it! Person 1 rubs it and a genie emerges from the lamp! Genie: Thank you for freeing me…

Stranded Irishman One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. ""It's certainly not a ship,"" he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, ""Tell me how long has it been since…

A man stranded on a deserted island sits looking out over the ocean as he has done every day for the last 7 years... Always the same view. Today however he spots something among the waves. Rubbing his eyes in disbelief he realizes it's a person swimming towards shore. He jumps to his feet and begins running down towards the beach. Is he going crazy? Is this real? It's been so long since he has seen another human. Upon reaching the beach the swimmer is just coming out of the surf. Not only is she…

Three men are stranded in the desert... Survivors of a plane crash, the three men walk aimlessly in the hopes of finding the rest of humanity. Three days pass before they stumble on a door lying flat down in the sand next to a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie flies out and introduces itself. ""My name is Hector, and I'm going to be your salvation. This door will be my assistant!"", explained the genie. ""Simply jump over this door, and shout whatever you'd like to magically transform into in…

Three male passangers survive a plane crash And are stranded on a insland surrounded by Canibals, captured and brought forth to the Cheif, He gives them a chance at life. He proposes a challange. Who ever can fit 10 of any fruit found on the island up their poopshoot without making any facial expressions will live out his days as part of the tribe. The Three men have no choice but to agree or face certian death. The first guy goes into the forest and brings back 10 apples. Makes it to the 2nd ap…

A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts. ""What's the first hut for?"" he asks. ""That's my house,"" says the castaway. ""What's the second hut for?"" ""That's my church."" ""And the third hut?"" ""Oh, that?"" sniffs the castaway. ""That's the church I used to go to.""

If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door. With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.

A man is stranded on a desert island... ... When all of a sudden a beautiful brunette in full scuba gear strides out of the water surrounding the island. She sits down next to the awestruck man and says, ""Would you like a cigarette?"" The man agrees, and she unzips a pouch on her thigh and pulls out some cigarettes and a lighter. After they've finished their cigarettes, the brunette says, ""Would you like a drink?"" The man agrees, and the woman opens a small bag at her waist, and takes out a s…

A heavy storm hits a ferry and destroys it... The passangers are now all stuck on a deserted island. Lacking in food supply, they decided that this is all the drivers fault for not checking the weather and decided to kill him and eat his meat for food. One of the passangers, however, refused to eat the driver. That person is a rich and prestigious person and said that he refuse to eat any meat besides only the highest quality top grade prime cut meat. Because of that the rich person instead deci…

What do you call large number of cannibals stranded on an island? A *free-for-all-you-can-eat.*

If Hilary and Trump are stranded on a raft in the ocean, who survives? America. America survives.