Irs Jokes

Hey girl are you the IRS, because you're all up in my business.

A Boy chokes on a coin A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his throat. His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. ""Thank you so much, doctor!"" the mother said. ""Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am,"" said the man. ""I work for the IRS""

A lawyer is about to enter a party.............. A lawyer is about to enter a party and decides to tell people that he's a doctor instead of a lawyer since people seem to think badly about lawyers and has always been attacked by lawyers jokes. After he's mingled for a little while, a guy comes up to him and tells him that there's another doctor there who works at the same hospital he does. To his surprise, this other doctor plays along and pretends to know him. After the party ends, the guy goes…

Grandpa vs The IRS. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahe…

Ralph The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, ""Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."" ""I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,"" says Ralph. ""How about a demonstration?"" The audit…

At the IRS audit IRS: According to your tax return you claim got money for nothin' & checks for free. Taxpayer: Am I in trouble for that? IRS: We'd say you're in dire straits.

Squeeze The local barkeep was so sure that he was the strongest man around that he offered a standing $1000 bet. The barkeep would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it Then one day, this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeak…

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, ""Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon."" ""Really? Why do you think so?"" ""I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.""

A man sends a letter to the IRS... And he explains full-heartedly how sorry he is, for he has lied on his previous taxes about his actual income. He writes how he feels so guilty, that he can't even sleep at night! Desperate for a good nights rest, he even mailed in a check for $2000, and said he hopes they accept this as payment back. He finishes the letter, signed and dotted, and says P.S. If I still can't sleep at night, I'll pay back the rest!

Donald Trump was just issued a notice by the IRS Ordering him toupee up.

Clinton consults the past Hillary went for a walk one morning and came upon the Washington monument. She asked, ""George, what should I do?"" After a few seconds a ghostly voice replied, ""Abolish the IRS and start over."" She thought about this for a few seconds and continued her walk. Shortly afterwards she stepped up to the Jefferson Memorial and stopped to ask ""Tom, what should I do?"" After a few seconds Tom's disembodied voice replied, ""Abolish welfare and start over."" She thought about…

Pops was summoned for an audit. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and says, Oka…

A man gets audited by the IRS... and the auditor is not surprised when he arrives with his lawyer. As the men sit down the lawyer says, ""Look, the reason my client is in this situation is because he is a terrible gambler."" ""I am not a terrible gambler,"" the man replies. ""I will make a bet right now. I bet you $1,000 that I can bite my own eye."" he says to the auditor. ""You can't bite your own eye,"" the auditor replies. ""I'll take your bet."" The man reaches up, removes his glass eye and…

I don't like working at the IRS It's incredibly taxing

Father O'Malley answers the phone... ...""Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"" ""It is."" ""This is the IRS. We'd like to ask you a question."" ""Yes, what is it?"" ""Do you know a Mr. Michael O'Donohue?"" ""I do."" ""Is he a member of your flock?"" ""He is."" ""Did he donate $20,000 to the church?"" ""He will.""

I feel like I just won the lotto! Because I just paid the IRS a shit ton of tax.

You pick up the phone: ""Hello, this is the IRS..""

Did this ever happen to you? A plane was flying over the Pacific Ocean, filled with businessmen. Suddenly, one of the engines gave out, and the plane began to lose altitude. The flight attendant told the passengers to stay calm, it would not be a crash landing, but they would be lost in the ocean, and may never be found. Upon hearing this, one man began to laugh. They asked him, ""Why are you laughing?"" He said, ""I owe the IRS $45,000. They'll find me.""

A man wrote a letter to the IRS I have been unable to sleep knowing that I cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable value and have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest

This is a robbery In some firm, two masked thieves enter: -This is a robbery The accountant, relieved: -Thank GOD, I thought it was the IRS.

Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party? They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

What gas is best suited for a job with the IRS I asked the waitress for a cup of tea, because it was something she just loved to do. ""Ma'mam I notice you have the shot of Baileys but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room in protest. Student: Bow, wow, wow. and the whole thing buying rounds for the whole bar to hear.

Ralph was called in for a meeting with the IRS, so he turns up for the meeting with his accountant. The tax clerk says to him ""You wrote on your tax return that you make your money by gambling, but we find that quite hard to believe."" ""No, it's true! I'm really good at it. Look, I can prove it! I bet you $250 that I can bite my eye."" The clerk thinks it over, and says ""Ok, you're on."" Ralph takes out his glass eye, bites it and puts it back. ""You got me there,"" said the clerk. ""No, I'm …

Socrates went the the DEQ, the DMV, the IRS, and the OBC all in 1 day... And afterward he started writing a chronicle of his travels: I went to the DEQ, it said, would have gone to the oracle. I went to the DMV, it said...

Always pay your taxes with a smile I tried, but the IRS still wanted cash.