Irs Jokes

The IRS Audits A Gambling Grandpa The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ""Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."" ""I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,"" says Grandpa. ""How about a demonstration?"" The auditor thinks for a moment and sa…

The IRS is going to start garnishing my wages. I think I'll enjoy getting a sprig of parsley in my paycheck.

Bar Contest The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and sai…

Every religion has violent people... ... The Christians have The Westboro Baptist Church, the Muslims have the jihadists, and the Jews have the IRS

A comedian is called to the IRS... ...they tell him he owes more taxes. He says, ""Why?"" They say, ""Because we appreciated your humor.""

Old man and the IRS Grandpa gets an audit letter in the mail and shows up to his appointment at the IRS building with his lawyer. They enter the room, sit down, and the IRS agent starts to question them. >*IRS Agent*: ""**Well, sir, we think it is a little odd that you have no official income, but are able to afford such a lavish lifestyle, and you claim it is all from Gambling? You say you made $300,000 last year from gambling alone?**"" >*Grandpa*: ""**Yes. I am very good at it. Would yo…

Topical Jokes (5/19) Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes. First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as that may seem, it's not near as bad when you learn Biden only found out and understood the scandal once Obama reenacted what he saw on the news with sock puppets. Let's back off the heavy s…

I know there are a lot of versions out there, but this is my favorite A rich old man gets audited by the IRS saying they need him to come in and fix his taxes. The old man calls his lawyer and heads to the IRS. Once there, the IRS agent said,""Well I've noticed that you don't have a job listed, and yet you still make a lot of money. What's your secret?"" The old man replied, ""I win a lot of money making bets."" The agent says, ""What do ya mean?"" The old man said, ""Okay, I'll bet ya 50$ I can…

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, ""You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."" ""Why would you say that?"" wondered the broker. ""Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire ca…

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, ""Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."" ""Thank goodness,"" returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear. ""I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.""

Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.

eer booze and fun!' 'The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters longshoremen etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit a…

A man gets audited by the IRS... and the auditor is not surprised when he arrives with his lawyer. As the men sit down the lawyer says, "Look, the reason my client is in this situation is because he is a terrible gambler." "I am not a terrible gambler," the man replies. "I will make a bet right now. I bet you $1,000 that I can bite my own eye." he says to the auditor. "You can't bite your own eye," the auditor replies. "I'll take your bet." The man reaches up, removes his glass eye and b…

Donation Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.'

The IRS Audit At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question ," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll." "Oh," replied the …

Grandpa gets Audited The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Ok…

Ralph and the IRS Auditor The IRS decided to audit Ralph, and summoned him to the local IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Ralph showed up with his attorney. The auditor began with, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win all of your money by gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.” “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” replied Ralph. “How about a little demonstration?” The auditor …

The Best Gambler in the World. I read this joke online somewhere and thought I'd share it with you folks. A man with his attorney walk into an IRS building to get audited. The auditor looked at the tax payer and said... ... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says the man. "How about a demonstration?" The aud…

IRS Inquiry The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deck hand and sent an agent to investigate him. IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays…

A bar owner puts out a challenge He puts an ad in the paper saying that if anyone can beat his bartender in a feat of strength, then he will give them 10,000$. So people come from all over trying to win the money, bodybuilders, construction workers, boxers, but nobody can beat him. In order to win, they must squeeze just one drop of juice out of a lemon after the bartender squeezes it. So one day a skinny man in a suit with point dexter glasses walks in and says he can beat the bartender in the…

Old man and the IRS Grandpa gets an audit letter in the mail and shows up to his appointment at the IRS building with his lawyer. They enter the room, sit down, and the IRS agent starts to question them. >IRS Agent: **"Well, sir, we think it is a little odd that you have no official income, but are able to afford such a lavish lifestyle, and you claim it is all from Gambling? You say you made $300,000 last year from gambling alone?"** >Grandpa: **"Yes. I am very good at it. Would you like a d…

The IRS Decides to audit Grandpa The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said,…

Grandpa was summoned for an audit.. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’ ‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’ The auditor thinks for a moment and s…

How Grandpa made $25,000 in one afternoon... The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’ ‘I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’ The auditor thinks for a …

Just imagine if the IRS and IBS merged... They would tax the shit out of us!