Irs Jokes

I was surprised when the IRS wrote to me to say my tax return was “outstanding”. Especially as I don’t recall sending one in.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could …

A local bar was so confident, that their bartender was the strongest man in town... So they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The challenge was for the bartender to squeeze a lemon until all the juice was in a glass, then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out just one more drop of juice would win the money. Over time, many had tried (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.), but no one succeeded. One day, a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit walked in and sa…

The Squeeze The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit…

My mom always told me I’d be a terrible father. Joke’s on you, Mom. I just got a letter from the IRS saying I have outstanding child support.

A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited. The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says: “The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living?” The gambler says, “I’m a professional gambler.” “A gambler?” asks the agent. “Yes, I make money from bets. Let me demonstrate. I bet you …

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him. IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room an…

The IRS Assigns an Agent to Audit a Synagogue The agent sits down with the rabbi and starts asking his interview questions. "What do you do with the crumbs left from the matzos?" The rabbi replies "we save them up and when we have enough we send them to the matzo factory and they send us back a free matzo ball." "Ok, then what do with all the candle drippings?" The rabbi replies "well, we save them up and when we have enough we send them to the candle factory and they send us back a free…

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Grandpa says, …

A gambler gets audited by the IRS The man walks in to see the auditor with his lawyer and sits down. The auditor says ""you claim to have made around $10 million last year through gambling and frankly

Gambling With the IRS The IRS decides to audit Ralph

A professional gambler is being audited by the IRS The old gambler man walks into the meeting with his lawyer. The IRS agent tells him he can't make all these write offs for gambling loses unless he can prove he is a professional gambler.

Since it's tax time and all... The IRS decides to audit Grandpa

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.

You may not like EVERY government agency... ...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS.

A man goes to see his priest. ""Father I'm getting audited by the IRS and I don't know what to do. My accountant tells me to dress modestly but my lawyer tells me to dress to the nines and wear my most expensive watch to show I'm not afraid. "

The IRS Decides to audit Grandpa The IRS decides to audit Grandpa

Grandpa was summoned for an audit. The IRS decides to audit Grandpa

Ralph and the IRS Auditor The IRS decided to audit Ralph

What's the difference between the IRS and a baby? It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up.

How did El Chapo explain his income to the IRS? "Soy cheapo."

After hearing a church sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote to the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understand my taxable income and have enclosed a cheque for $900. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny …