China Jokes

If you find that China is not working... ... Have you tried updating your Mao settings?

So a young boy in China is asked a question by his teacher... ""Do you know where the Empire State Building in New York is?"" The child answers, ""No I don't."" The teacher grows quite frantic, ""You're gonna have to go to the principals for this. So, as the child is in the office the principal asks him why he is there, ""I was sent by my teachers because I didn't know where the Empire State Building in New York is."" The principal gets scared and says, ""You need to go to court for this."" So, …

A reporter asked Donald Trump ""What is your greatest weakness?"" ""You see that is the problem with america. They always ask me what is America's weakness? Believe me, I will make america not weak again. I will make america great. Believe me. We dont have to think about weakness. China is weak. Mexico is weak. But we are not weak, we are strong. Trust me. Im not a politician. Politicians are liars. Im not a liar. You see america is weak right now because these politicians make america weak. But…

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

Three Chinese brothers. Three Chinese brothers,Bu,Chu, and Fu,went to illegally live in America .The brothers decide to change their names to seem American.Bu change his name to Buck.Chu change his name to Chuck .And Fu got sent back to China

Trump announces plan to crush China by sending Chris Christie to every Chinese buffet in the country.

1995: A Chinese Official is conversing with a Russian citizen... ...Chinese Official, ""You have nothing in Russia."" Russian, ""Oh yeah, we have Yeltsin."" Chinese Offical, ""Then we will steal your Yeltsin. Russian, ""If you take Yeltsin you'll have nothing in China."" Disclaimer: This joke is not mine, it was told to my father during his stay in Russia in the year 1995.

Even if your a one in a million kind of guy There are a thousand people just like you in China

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend just says ""CHIN YU YAN"" and dies. Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words. And finds It means ""U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!""

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

China has a great wall..... and guess what? No Mexicans!

Why do Chinese people have short names? Once upon a time in faraway China there lived two brothers, one named Sam, and one named Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sarimbo Hari Kari Bushkie Perry Pem Do Hai Kai Pom Pom Nikki No Meeno Dom Barako. Now one day the two brothers were playing near the well in their garden when Sam fell into the well, and Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sarimbo Hari Kari Bushkie Perry Pem Do Hai Kai Pom Pom Nikki No Meeno Dom Barako ran to his mother, shouting, ""Quick, Sam has fallen into the…

""The Four Businessmen"" Four businessmen walk onto a train: one from China, one from France, one from Mexico, and one from the United States. They all sit together in a room with an open window and begin unpacking their lunches. The Frenchman eats half of his croissant and tosses the remainder of it out the window. The others ask ""Why did you do that?"" And the Frenchman says ""I have enough of those where I come from."" The Chinaman eats half of an eggroll and tosses the remainder of it out t…

Guys, I think Trump's immigration policies just might work China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.

A muslim arrives in paradise. He demands his 72 virgins but it turns out there just aren't enough women in heaven. He insists on his virgins. So he's given 72 female babies made in China.

""Were dining on the finest china tonight"" A Chinese man then walks in and lays down on your table

Last month, the UN conducted a worldwide survey. The only question asked was: ""*Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?*"" The survey was a HUGE failure. * In Africa, they didn't know what ""food"" meant. * In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. * In Western Europe, they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. * In China, they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. * In the Middle East, they didn't know what ""soluti…

Three Chines men get off a boat... They get to the US customs, the Boarder control asks their names: I'm Fu he's Bu and the guy is Chu. The Boarder control guy decides to give them a hard time. Says if you want to come in you need American names. You will be Buck, you can be Chuck.. Fu went back to China.

Everything's made in China except babies... ...those are made in vachina.

Breakups are worst in China.... ... Wherever you go you see his/her face.

Now that China has blocked Wikipedia, they're considering replacing it with... ... Xikipedia!

Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales... They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.

3 Chinese brothers; Bu, Chu and Fu go to America They loved the country so much that they decided they were going to immigrate and become American citizens. But because of laws, the needed to change their names to American names. So Bu changed his name to Buck Chu changed his name to Chuck And Fu......well he decided to stay in China

Russian news report from 1960's China has escalated the Far East conflict once again. This morning at 09-00 hours, a Chinese fighter jet opened fire on a Russian tractor that was peacefully ploughing the fields. Eyewitnesses report the tractor returned fire with anti-air missiles, performed vertical takeoff, and flew off on an unidentified heading.

They organized a lookalike competition in China. Everybody won!