China Jokes

Why are turtles dangerous in China ? Because they can turtle you.

Dalai Lama must reincarnate. China-says dalai lama is less-and-less-influential-but-must-reincarnate. ""Chinese official: The Dalai Lama matters less and less but he must reincarnate and we get to approve his successor"" This is the JOKE of the Day. China should Reincarnate as a better animal.

A Man's Car Breaks Down Near a Monastery... A man is driving down the countryside in China and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, ""My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"" The monks graciously accept him, fix his car, and prepare a meal for the man. Stuffed, the man is lead to a room where he is to stay for the night before departing. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange scream behind a door in the monast…

What is currently the greatest crime in China? Identity theft.

What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common? They're both pieces of china.

I went to China and couldn't find a single Catholic church... I guess they must have heard about the ""One-child only"" policy

Geography of a woman Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open. Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars. Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Sp…

You're so fake... Even China denied they made you

How did the knight know that his armor was made in China? He found a chink in it.

Did you hear about that look alike contest in china? Everybody won

The Chinese Phonebook China decided to make their own version of the Yellow Pages, but with all the Wings and Wongs, and Chans it was a mess. Finally they had decided to cancel the project people would Wing the Wong numbers.

I never date girls from china... That's a big red flag.

Lump sum I don't want to say the Chinese companies are behind the times when it comes to retirement packages, but my friend who worke din China and recently retired asked for a lump sum. they gave it to him with pork fried rice!

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China? The government is opposed to euthanasia.

A Muslim man went to China... And goes to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork. He asks the waiter ""Is this pork?"" but the waiter doesn't know any English. So instead he points at his food and says ""Oink?"" The waiter quickly shakes his head and says ""No, no, meow""

Diggin a hole to China If a bystander watches a person digging a hole in the U.S., they always jokingly ask the digger ""If they are digging a hole to China"". I wonder if a bystander is watching a person digging a hole in Mexico, if they jokingly ask the digger ""If they are digging a hole to the U.S.""

A North Pole story of Christmas traditions It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling ""HEY SANTA!"". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye. When he got out to the elves, they were all grumbling because of the stickers they had to put on. A Chinese expedition had come in and claimed sovereignty of his little magic island on the pole, and he'd all…

FOUR sim cards Wife:How much do you love me? Husband: l love you so much, l can't measure. Wife :No, just tell me.. Husband: Okay, l am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, l am nothing without you. Wife: wow! dats so romantic. Husband(saying to himself):Thank God she doesn't know l'm a China phone, with FOUR sim cards.........

China has recently banned puns. In hindsight it might be a punenforcable law.

Hey guys. What's the most reassuring thing about the Riot Police presence in Hong Kong right now? *Their guns are probably made in China.* yuk yuk yuk

I like my women just like Apple... Manafactured in China.

Panda joke told properly A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons. ""Why?"" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. ""Well, I'm a panda,"" he says. ""Look it up."" The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. ""Panda. Large black-and…

China lands on the moon! Salvages antique U.S. flag

In china, tried Donkey meat yesterday.... It tasted like ass.

A man walks into an antiques store... A man walks into an antiques store carrying an intricately painted china dish, to find an elderly looking gentlemen behind the counter. 'What can I do for you, sir?' The elderly gentleman says. 'How much would you pay me to take this off my hands' says the man. After looking at the plate, the gentleman behind the counter and rudely snorts, 'this plate is a counterfit of those made in the Joman Period, I will pay nothing for this'. With that, the man storms o…