China Jokes

Santa has elves. America has China.

Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

What do you call a productive Asian? China get something done.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you. George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu. George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The main man in China! Condi: H…

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads ""Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.""!

There was a chicken farmer who lived in a village in China. One year,his chickens were afflicted with a strange blight that caused them to lose their feathers. The farmer was deeply concerned about this, because winter was coming, and, if the chickens had no feathers, they would freeze to death. So, the farmer decided to consult the two wisest men in the land. First,he visited Mr. Hing, the renowned scholar. Mr. Hing leafed through all his agricultural and medicinal texts and pored over books an…

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men. He asked one of the local cowboys, ""What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?"" The cowboy replied, ""See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go git us one."" ""That is disgusting and barbaric!!"" replied the lawyer. After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he wa…

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said ""I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please"" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter. The barman came over and said ""Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"" the panda c…

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ''That was a karate chop from Korea.'' The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted him…

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

Yo moma is so old she knew the Great Wall of China when it was just ok

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: ""How large is the population here?"" ""Around 1.5 billion"" -- the guide answers American After a short pause: ""So what else do you do here?""

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. ""This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."" Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. ""Well?"" he finally asked ""What's this?"" The waiter replied ""It's a friend of duck.""

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports I reminded him he needed a visa. ""Oh no I don't I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."" I double checked and sure enough his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said ""Look I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.""

Son: Is it true? Dad I heard that in ancient China a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere son everywhere!

Knock Knock Who's there ! China ! China who? China late isn't it? !

Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

At the Russian War College the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question ""Will we have to fight a World War Three?"" ""Yes comrades looks like you will"" answers the general. ""And who will be our enemy Comrade General?"" another officer asks. ""The likelihood is that it will be China."" The class looks alarmed and finally …

What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !

Who was the most powerful cat in China ? Chairman Miaow !

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Italian are all on a plane. All three are heading to China for 2 months for a business trip. The Frenchman and the Englishman start talking about the night before: Englishman: "I'll have you know I made love to my wife 3 times and this morning she told me she adored me" Frenchman: "Ha ha! That is very good my friend, however, I believe I have you beat; last night I made love to my wife 6 times and this morning she told me should would never love anyone else!…

A joke we tell tourists in china Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta. Back then, the Terra-cotta site was out in the province in a small local village. This village was the hometown of the fortunate old chinese man who discovered them and was going to meet POTUS. It also meant …

Apparently the most common surname In China is Chang. ...correct me if you think that's Wong.