China Jokes

There were 3 Chinese men... Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA. They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names. Han decided that he would be Huck. Chan decided that he would be Chuck. And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

A man visits a Buddhist Monastery. (non racist version) A man is sent to China on business. On a day off he goes sightseeing. He gets hopelessly lost in the confusing Chinese roads and finds himself on the outskirts of town where an ancient Buddhist monastery sits. Curious, he goes in. A kindly monk takes him for a tour. In the courtyard of the monastery there is a pond, around which are several monks who are skipping stones. However, instead of typical splashes when the stones bounced acros…

This is the story of an Egyptian named... Benny. One day, Benny was strolling along the banks of the Nile, minding his own business. However, he came across an urn, buried in the sand. The urn was all dusty and dented and cracked and bent and generally broken. However, Benny decided to rub the urn with his sleeve, thinking he might be able to get a few coins out of it. But suddenly, out of the urn came a Genie! The genie stretched and yawned and said: "Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much! I can't…

Sad but true. Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant, In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant, In South America the…

A Moment of Silence Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.

The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370... And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.

By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS". The following is a telephonic exchange between a Hotel guest & room-service in China ... Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service." Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?" Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs." Room Service: "Ow ulai den?" Guest: " .......What?" Room Service: "Ow ulai den?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?" Guest: "Oh,…

A son has just gotten his report card, it's not good.... "Hello father, here's my report card....", the son says. "All Cs!" His father is furious. "Son, if you don't improve your grades by next term I will disown you....if you don't get As, I don't want you to call me father any more!" .....next term comes and goes.....the son gets his report card.....that night he goes home....and right before he goes to bed his father asks about his new report card.... The son replies: "I'm very t…

What do they call Peter Pan in China? Peter Wok

A man comes into his favourite bar and orders 3 Beers.... ...he sits down at his table where he is always sitting. A new bartender comes to him and asks what he wants to drink. The man orders 3 beers at once alone, drinks each of them and leaves the bar... Two weeks later he comes back to the bar, same procedure, ordering 3 beers at once and drinks em. When the man wants to pay his drinks, the new bartender asks: "Sir, why do you order 3 beers at the same time? You could get fresh ones all the…

God is travelling around the world to spread his religon He gets to India and asks the public, 'Will you take my commandments to be yours?' The public says no and decides to try elsewhere. He gets to China and asks, 'Will you follow my commandments?' And the public replies no. He gets to Israel and asks, 'Will you take my commandments?' The crowd begins to look at each other questioningly and a single man steps forward. 'How much do they cost?' God replies, 'They're free.' The crowd shouts…

There's 3 chinese brothers... Bu, Chu, and Fu and they want to illgally sneak into America. So they decide to change their names to sound more American. Bu, changes his to Buck. Chu, changes his to Chuck. And Fu, got sent back to China.

President Obama has a meeting with the President of China to discuss debt... President Obama has a meeting with Xi Jinping to discuss the debt the US owes to China. He arrives at the Chinese presidential mansion with Joe Biden, but they find there is work going on in the garden and lots of mud everywhere. So they have to roll up their trouser legs and step carefully to enter. They sit down to wait for President Xi, but Biden notices they still have their trousers rolled up. So he whispers: "M…

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards. The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so. The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye. The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off a hundred foot platform. The agent turns to the president and, with teary eyes, pleads:"Mister preside…

Three men stop for lunch Three men stop for lunch on a construction site while working on the 10th floor. The first one, Chang from China says "I am so bored with what I have been having for lunch. If I have noodles again for lunch, I am going to jump off the building" And he opens his lunch to find noodles, and promptly jumps off the from the 10th floor to his death. Mario from Italy says "I agree - I am so sick of pasta for lunch, if I find my lunch is pasta I will jump off the building and…

The United Nations world-wide survey The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world. The survey went like this: "We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world" The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure: The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean.…

Three Chinese went to America.. Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America. Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names. So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck.. And Fu decided to return to China.

A joke from my old physics professor.. How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.

A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States. In order to get a visa, they have to Americanize their names. Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck. Hu became Huck. Su and Fu decided to stay in China

A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback... FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story... An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful way to do so. He takes his seat and first the clowns come out. One sees the old man and says, "Hey old man! Are you a horse's head?" "Um... no." the old man re…

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards. The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so. The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye. The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off a hundred foot platform. The agent turns to the president and, with teary eyes, pleads:"Mister president,…

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million #2. China: 1.357 billion #3. Japan: 173.3 million #4. Australia: 48 as of last census

My friend lived in China for a long time, this was the only joke that he heard that made sense in English. Xi went to Guangxi and spoke with the governor about the fine people of China. The governor: Fine people...I don't know. Xi: I will show you. Hey you! Come here! What do you do? Farmer: I'm a farmer. Xi: Let me ask you, if you had two houses, would you give one to the government? Without hesitation the farmer says yes.. Xi turns to the governor who isn't convinced. Xi asks: if you ha…

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons. "Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, nat…

What is Donald Trump's favourite Overwatch hero? Mei, because she's from China and likes to build walls.