Nile Jokes

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a bridge here.

An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river... He's still in the Nile.

I never thought I'd be drowning in a river. I think I was in the Nile

Be Careful of Egyptian Sharks They can smell blood a nile away

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong? They're always in de Nile.

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida? In da-Nile

The captain has good news and bad news. The Egyptian royal barge returns to harbour after a long day ferrying the pharaoh up and down the Nile. The captain says to the tired oarsmen 'Right, lads, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?' The oarsmen consult among themselves and decide they fancy some good news first. 'The good news,' says the captain, 'Is that from now on your rations are doubled. The oarsmen cheer and start talking excitedly amongst themselves. 'The bad…

What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim? In da Nile

A man is lost in the dessert for weeks and meets a hippo... ""Hey Hippo, would you tell me where the Great river Nile is?"" The Hippo answers: ""I don't know, let me go ask my brother."" So the hippo leaves and the man waits around for weeks dying of hunger and thirst. After a month of suffering he sees two hippos coming on the horizon. ""So?"" he asks. ""Well man, this is my brother, he also doesn't know where the Great Nile is, but we came back to beat you up.""

I told my disbelieving Egyptian friend that he was standing in a river... ...but he was in The Nile.

Your Mama is so fat... that while on her period she sat in the nile and Pharaoh called her ""Moses!""

My friend went swimming in Egypt recently... I said to him 'you do realize your swimming in one of the longest rivers in the world!'. He didn't believe me though, he's in de nile.

What river was Jesus baptized in? True story: I was the 7th grade Sunday School teacher and that was a question on a Bible quiz. The class guessed the Nile, the Amazon, and finally the Seine. ""Here's a hint,"" I said, ""There used to be a basketball player for the Chicago Bulls who was famous for his ability to leap to the basket."" One of the kids guessed ""The Michael Jordan river?""

According to newly discovered archaeological evidence, King Tut may have been addicted to opium. I was reading an article recently that suggests that as early as 1330 BCE the production of opium and its trade across Asia and into Africa was quite popular. According to scholarly interpretation of some hieroglyphs, King Tut was known for his frequent use of the substance, and his unhealthy behavior grew to adversely affect his leadership in Egypt. At one point, his wife and advisors held somewhat …

Man goes to a Doctor and says ""Doctor I feel like I'm swimming in an African river"" The Doctor replies ""You're in de Nile.""

Who is the richest person in the Bible? The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

The oldest joke in the world: ""How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?"" You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

Gosa, the village idiot This is a joke my Egyptian friend told me a couple years back Gosa, the village idiot, is walking along the banks of the Nile when Abdullah sees him and calls across from the other side 'Gosa, the Nile is wide and mighty, and the nearest crossing is miles away, how did you get to the other side?' Gosa, with a smile on his face, replies 'But my dear friend Abdullah, you ARE on the other side!'

An Egyptian man was told the river was too polluted to swim in. He refused to accept the fact, and went swimming in it anyhow. I guess you can say he was in da Nile.

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It appears to primarily affect those who were born prior to 1960. Symptoms: 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. 3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. 6. Causes you to hit ""SEND"" before you've finished. 7. Causes you to hit ""DELET…

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

This is the story of an Egyptian named... Benny. One day, Benny was strolling along the banks of the Nile, minding his own business. However, he came across an urn, buried in the sand. The urn was all dusty and dented and cracked and bent and generally broken. However, Benny decided to rub the urn with his sleeve, thinking he might be able to get a few coins out of it. But suddenly, out of the urn came a Genie! The genie stretched and yawned and said: "Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much! I can't…

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB. A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition. The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years. The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years. The KGB team goes next. They hold the m…

In Egypt they started throwing gay people in the river, an Egyptian friend of mine swears he isn't gay. But he's still in the Nile.

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB A mummy was found in Egypt, and to learn more about it, the three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition. The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years. The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years. The KGB team goes next. They hold the mum…