China Jokes

Did you know that animals make a different sounds depending what part of the world you are in....? For example, in China, Dogs makes a sizzling sound! *I know I am going to hell for this but this was an old joke that was told to me. *

I asked a chinese friend what it's like to live in China. He says he can't complain.

China said you can gamble on the Olympics. Good news! China said you can now gamble on the Olympics as long as you don't mention anything political. so, you're free Tibet.

Thailand was having difficulty trading with China because they refused to trade in Thai Bhat currency. Noticing that they had no problems dealing in Korean Won, the treasury of Thailand decided to purchase several trillion Won and sent communication to China to announce their new currency. China responded with a statement that the government does not recognize Thai Won.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but...look at what kids your age make in China!"

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth ... After that, everything else was made in China.

Xi and Biden have a bet Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested. So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years. Strolling down the future streets of Geneva, they come across a news broadcast on a large billboard. “Ha! I knew it! China is a soft power giant now!” Says Xi, pointing at the newsreader…

A panda bear walks into a restaurant A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don’t understand.” The panda says, “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walks out of the door. So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks und…

Three Chinese men named Chu, Bu and Fu moved to USA They all decided to change their names. Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck. Fu went back to China.

What do you call an impatient man from Bangkok who moved to the capital city of the Republic of China for a writing job, got kidnapped, covered in multicolored paint and restrained with rope? A tied-up, tye-dyed, Type-A, Taipei-Thai typist.

Why don't kids in China believe in Santa? Because they make the toys

A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich After he finishes eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. The bartender is surprised and asks the panda why he did that. The panda pulls out a dictionary and points to the entry on "panda", which reads: "Panda: a large black and white bear-like mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

A factory manager in China heard about the 4 day work week Loves it. Started making all his employees do it twice a week.

I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals. Well, that balloon has burst.

What's the longest-lasting thing made in China? COVID-19

Recent political joke circulating in China Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested. The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.” The second man said: “I supported covid testing.” The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

All countries eventually got coronavirus But China got it right off the bat.

What's the best political advice you can give to someone living in China? [censored]

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: ‘Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure. In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant; in India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant; in Europe they didn’t know what ‘shortage’ meant; in China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant; in the Middle East they didn’t know what ‘solution’ meant; in South America they didn’t kn…

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey. Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen! You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :- Fall of Turkey Breakup of China Spillage of Greece and Frustration of Hungary!"

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves “Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked. “No, I don’t” she replied. Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.” She didn’t crack a smile. “Oh, well. I tried…

Why did Trump throw so many plates against the wall like a baby? He wanted to seem tough on china.

A panda walks into a restaurant… A panda walks into a resteraunt. He walks up to the host and the host says “what do you thing this is?” The panda takes out a dictionary and reads “Restaurant, an establishment that serves food.” The host says “fair enough” and takes the panda to a table. The panda orders his food and eats it all and gets up to leave, the host says “you need to pay for that!” The panda proceeds to pull out a gun and shoot the host. The host yells “Who do you think you are?!?” Th…

Too soon for COVID jokes? COVID is like fashion… We started hearing about it in Italy… Became popular in LA and NYC… Florida ignored it… And it was all made in China in the end.

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes “but but my daughter made it for me”.