Africa Jokes

I'm fed up with all that Superman crap. He saves old women & extinguish fires, but when he flies over Africa, he pretends he doesn't see us?

What is cold? (note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32) +10C The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating. The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers. +5C The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the horizon) +2C Italian cars won't start. 0C Pure water freezes. -1C Exhaled air becomes visible. Time to book some holidays around the Mediterranean. The Laps eat ice-cream & drink cold beer. -4C The cat wants to share my duv…

At the hunting lodge During a social meeting at a traditional hunting lodge, one of the newcomers was talking to one of the oldest there. The guy was so old he couldn't even walk or talk properly. And he was telling stories about his youth and about a hunting trip to Africa, long ago. ""So my child, I was a bit tired and no animals spotted that day that I decided to take a nap. Laid my body between a tree and a bush. All of a sudden I woke up with a noise and movement behind the bush. Over it ju…

A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender goes ""Awesome, Where'd you get that?"" The parrot replies ""Africa, there's thousands of them there.""

A man is on a journey in Africa (x-post from r/AntiJokes) He meets a wild elephant. They become best friends over the weeks that he is there conducting his research. The elephant would stomp it's feet in joy every time he saw the man. One day there was a bush fire, the man had to save himself and left the elephant behind. The man presumed that the elephant died. Flash forward to 10 years later, the man is wandering around the Bronx Zoo in New York. He looks at the elephants and strangely enough …

The Human Soup Two friends were traveling across Africa when they were captured by the natives. Both of them were tied up and put into a gigantic pot full with water. Both of them were floating in the pot when the Chief exclaimed, ""We are having human soup for dinner today!"" One of the friend started praying for his life when he saw his friend smiling. ""Why the hell are you smiling?"". His friend replied,""I just shit in their soup.""

Bigot Parrot So a black guy walks into a pet shop looking for a new pet. His eye is drawn to the shop keeper sitting with a parrot on his shoulder having a full conversation. He walks up to the shop owner and tells him how amazing that parrot is and was wondering if it was at all for sale or if it was the owner's personal pet. The owner told him everything is for sale but this parrot is so unique that it costs $1,000. The man says it's worth every penny and pays the shop owner and walks out with…

The Bicycle A missionary was walking with the tribe chief in a remote part of Africa explaining to him the wonders of modern society. As they were walking, they see movements in the bushes near them. Fearing that it might be lions, the chief stood still while the curious missionary went to see what lies behind the bushes. To his amazement he sees a man and a woman going at it. He retreats and joins the chief. ""Lets go. It's just a guy riding a bicycle"" Having never seen a bicycle before, the c…

The other day I was scraping leftovers into the garbage... ...and I couldn't help but think of those poor kids in Africa who don't have any garbage bins.

Lost in africa Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces. His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.'' His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''

A context joke Have you ever noticed that when you say, ""I hope you're hungry"" in a place like America it's nice. But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.

a Viking came back from a hunting trip in Africa... his friend asked him: ""so what did you hunt?"" hunter: ""a Rhino, a Zebra, and 34 Nobleezes."" friend: ""What the hell are Nobleezes?"" hunter: ""some creatures that keep waving at my shotgun and yell nobleez...""

Coke There's a white guy a Latino and a black guy who come across a Genie. He tells them they each get one wish. Latino's wish is for all his people to be back in south America out of the US. Poof... Wish granted. Black dude wishes all African Americans back to Africa. Poof.... Wish granted. White dude ask that all spics and niggers are out of the US.... Wishes for a coke.

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder The bartender says, ""Hey, that thing is cool - where did you get it?"" The parrot replies, ""Africa.""

A Russian in the USA A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not American, I Viet…

A black guy, a Jew, a Mexican, and a racist white Southerner are waiting at a bus stop... ...when all of a sudden a genie comes along. He says, ""Well, we've got some time before the bus comes so why don't I grant you all one wish."" So the Jew pipes up and says, ""My one true wish is that all of my people be able to live in peace together in Israel."" The genie snaps his fingers, and BAM! Done. Next the Mexican says, ""Really I wish that all of my people can live in prosperity in Mexico."" Agai…

The time my grandpa went to Africa One day I was sitting with my grandpa watching TV. As it happened we were watching the Discovery channel when a show about Africa came on. ""Hmph, Africa... I've been there."" My grandpa said. ""Really?"" I asked, ""I never knew you went to Africa grandpa, when was this?"" ""Well,"" he said, ""when I went to Africa I was about your age. Eighteen. And back then they didn't have no jet airplanes that could get you there in ten hours. No siree!"" ""First, we got o…

If only Africa had more mosquito nets... then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

The truth about America... A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I…

[RACIST] The Parrot A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot.

Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Johnny: Sun Teacher: Why? Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can't see Africa.

I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam. Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving.

A little boy says, Dad,....... A little boy says, Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.' Son,' says the dad. That happens everywhere.'

I don't understand why we're always sending pills to Africa... I mean... aren't you supposed to take them after meals?

I've decided to make an all-natural shampoo made from roots found in Africa. I'll call it Ethnic Cleansing.