Finland Jokes

- Are you excited sir? - Yes! I'm gonna feed whales & pet dolphins! - Sir, this flight is going to Finland - That's like Seaworld, right?

Ladies, if he says he would go to the "end of the earth" for you and then he goes missing, check Finland.

And I don't want to hear people from imaginary places like Finland telling me that 57 degrees isn't cold, save it for the elves, Santa

In Finland when a baby is born you just whip a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say "no, in fact, I'm just getting started"

Kanye walks into a museum in Finland. "Imma let you Finnish," he snickers. The entire tour laughs. They're all Kanye, too. And so are you.

If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland.

What is cold? (note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32) +10C The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating. The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers. +5C The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the horizon) +2C Italian cars won't start. 0C Pure water freezes. -1C Exhaled air becomes visible. Time to book some holidays around the Mediterranean. The Laps eat ice-cream & drink cold beer. -4C The cat wants to share my duv…

3 days ago, a gay gentleman ran for the Presidency of Finland, and lost (this is true, BTW) (also - this was front page on Reddit, because they showed a photo of him with his significant other, who appeared to be a good 20 years younger) And so the punchline.... But I guess he's used to coming in #2.

Fish jokes One fish says to the other, ""You drink like a fish."" The other fish responds, ""So do you."" What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish. What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish! (from my son Josh) If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? Finland. Where do fish keep their money? In the ri…

What do you get if your Kia is stolen in Finland? No Kia

Why should you never race with a guy from Finland? Because they're already Finnish before the race even began

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland... He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest. From across the forest he hears, ""Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"" The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He hears a bit of gunfire on the other side of the forest and it goes quiet again. From across the forest he hears, ""Ha! One Finn is better than a whole Ru…

Putin lands at Helsinki airport... ...and the immigration officer says ""Name?"". ""Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin"". ""Address?"" ""Kremlin, Moscow, Russia"". ""Occupation?"" ""No, this time just visiting"". Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim? ""Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!""

I'm going to run a 5K to Finland. When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line.

All of the countries in the world run a race. Who wins? Finland. He's the first to Finnish.

I tried to make this post all about why Finland DOES actually exist... ...but I couldn't Finnish.

Why do people from Finland who lack passports never win? ...they can't cross the Finnish line!

I am liking the people from Finland They always finish

Drinking joke from Finland Pekka and Jukka are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. For 3 days they are drinking like hell, before they finally run out of booze. So Pekka says to his mate: ""Go and look in th shed. Maybe there's something left we can drink."" Jukka returns after a few minutes with a bottle of menthanol in his hand. He looks at Pekka and says: ""Well, we could drink this, but it'll make us go blind."" Pekka then looks around the cottage, goes up to the window and peaks …

A joke from Finland Q: What doesn't fit in your butt, and doesn't buzz? A: A Russian butt buzzer.

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar? A man with unfinnished buisness.

Why Are Firetrucks Red? Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men. 4 + 8 = 12 There are 12 inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas. Fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag. And that's why they're red. Cause they're always *russian* around.

Where do fish come from? Finland!