Fish jokes One fish says to the other, ""You drink like a fish."" The other fish responds, ""So do you."" What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish. What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish! (from my son Josh) If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? Finland. Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank. Why did the whale cross the street? To get to the other tide. Mother: Have you given the fish fresh water today? Son: No, they still haven't drunk yesterday's. What does a fish say when he bangs his head on a wall? ""Dam."" A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""What can I get you?"" The fish replies (gasping), ""Water!"" What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha-infested waters? It came back with a skeleton crew. Two parrots are sitting on a perch...The first one says to the other, ""Does something smell fishy?"" Jen Gatewood of Lansdale, PA: Why are fish smarter than humans?? Have you ever seen a fish spend hundreds of dollars trying to hook a human...and still can't? Why are goldfish orange? The water makes them rust! What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna piano! Why wouldn't the little shrimp share his toys? Because he was a little shellfish. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand. What kind of fish chases mice? A catfish. Where does seaweed look for a job? In the kelp-wanted' ads! What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse? The CODfather! What do fish use to make telephone calls? A shell phone. Why are dolphins more clever than humans? Within three hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish! What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool ? Show me your mussels! What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much? A beer-a-cuda! Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear? Because they have electric eels! What kind of fish has two knees? A ""tunee fish."" What day of the week do fish hate? Fryday!!! What do you call a scared fish? Chicken of the sea. That made my mom laugh when I was in second grade. What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish. What kind of fish goes great with peanut butter? A jellyfish. Where do you take a fish that's ill? To the Doc-topus! What do you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH! (pronounced fsssssh) What kind of fish is especially funny? A clown fish! Sometimes I go fishing just for the halibut! Thought of another ...did I mention I love cheesy jokes? Why did the Sheephead blush? Because the sea-weed! What's the smartest animal? A fish because they stay in schools! Kristen Skvorak Vallieu of Pittsburgh, PA: OK, here is the joke my dad has been telling us kids for the past 30 years (as far back as I can remember): What do you call a fish with two knees? A two knee fish! (groan... )