What is cold? (note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32) +10C The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating. The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers. +5C The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the horizon) +2C Italian cars won't start. 0C Pure water freezes. -1C Exhaled air becomes visible. Time to book some holidays around the Mediterranean. The Laps eat ice-cream & drink cold beer. -4C The cat wants to share my duvet. -10C Time to book some holidays in Africa. The Laps go for a swim. -12C Too cold to snow. -15C American cars won't start. -18C Landlords in Helsinki turn on the heating. -20C Exhaled air becomes audible. -22C French cars won't start. Too cold for skating. -23C Politicians start empathizing with homeless people. -24C German cars won't start. -26C You can cut out the building material for igloos from exhaled air. -29C The cat wants to share my pajamas. -30C No proper car will start. Laps curse, kick tires and start theirs Ladas. -31C To cold to kiss, lips might freeze. The Lapland-soccer-team starts with their spring training. -35C Time to take a 2-week-hot-bath. The Laps scoop the snow from their roofs. -39C Mercury freezes. Too cold to even think. Laps button up their shirts. -40C The car wants to share my duvet. Laps put on a sweater. -44C My colleague from Finland considers the possibility to shut the window of our office. -45C The Laps shut the bathroom-window. -50C Sea-lions leave Greenland. Laps put on mittens instead of gloves. -70C Polar Bears leave the polar region. At the University of Rovaniemi (Lappland) an outing is organized. -75C Santa leaves the polar region. Laps put down the earflaps of their caps. -120C Alcohol freezes. Consequence: Laps are annoyed. -268C Helium fluidizes. -270C Hell freezes -273,15C Absolute zero. Zero motion of elementary particles. Laps admit: Ok, it's a bit cool pass me another schnaps to suck on.