White House Jokes

BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House? A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also ""Mr. Bush.""

The White House I just watched the latest US invasion movie 'White House Down', a film about a hostile force attempting to take control of the American seat of power. Which isn't to be confused with the 2009 Michael Moore documentary 'White House Downs', which chronicled the failed Bush administration.

SO THERE'S THIS WASP So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He …

So there once was this wasp... ...that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high s…

Topical Jokes! The White House was briefly evacuated Saturday when smoke was coming out of a utility closet instead of up politicians' asses. A woman was kicked from an American Airlines flight for singing Whitney Houston songs non-stop. She blamed her Diabetes Type TwoooOOOooOooo. Nine PA students were almost banned from prom for not getting chicken pox vaccines. Fortunately, those red itchy bumps weren't chicken pox. Moms are hiring disabled guides to cut lines at Disneyworld, so if you're dis…

Topical Jokes (5/19) Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes. First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as that may seem, it's not near as bad when you learn Biden only found out and understood the scandal once Obama reenacted what he saw on the news with sock puppets. Let's back off the heavy s…

A joke that my friend told me. So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp, though--he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very sma…

President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica.""

So Bush is elected President... ...and he decides to give Clinton a visit at the White House. So they're having drinks after dinner, conversation flowing, when Bush needs to relieve himself. He asks Bill where the urinals were, and Bill points him down a corridor, third door to the right. He notices that the urinal was golden - but assumes he was sent to a special bathroom, possibly for visiting dignitaries. Anyway, on their way home, he happens to mention this to Laura. She doesn't think it's a…

Dave knows everyone there is to know.... Dave was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them."" Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"" ""No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, ""Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"" Alth…

Colin was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, ""Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"" Although impressed, Colin'…

Monica Lewinsky turns 39!! They grow up so fast...seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees puting everything in her mouth!!!

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family. A few minutes later the Pope came out to make…

Subject: PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ... GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD Crawford, Texas (AP) A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept. Both books have been lost. A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA but there was no answer.

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long..... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Washington says, ""Never tell a lie."" ""Ouch!"" Says Hillary, ""I don't know about that."" The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Jefferson says, ""Listen to the people."" ""Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."" On…

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.. One from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some Measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuri…

Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, ""You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ""Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, ""OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"" ""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, ""Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"" Although impress…

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they?

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: ""Nice pigs, Sir."" The President replies: ""These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."" The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: ""Excellent trade, sir.""

Q: What has dual airbags and has lots of room? A: The White House.

A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: ""I'd like to become the next President of the United States."" The receptionist: ""What are you an idiot?"" Redneck: ""Why is it required?""

I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie and he said we could discuss it tonight in a ""National Town Meeting.""

Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed.

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day while walking along the river he saw a drowned man being pulled out and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. ""Sorry"" said the President ""but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes.""