White House Jokes

Running for president It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race and the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Obama comes up with an idea: A Literal Presidential Race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about …

President Obama is doing his morning exercises... ...and jogging around the White House grounds when one of the Secret Service agents suggests he should see how fast he can circle the White House ten times. After all, it is a presidential tradition to try it at least once, and being moderately athletic, he figured he'd make pretty good time. So he stands at the south portico with the agent, who counts him down. "3...2...1...go!" President Obama takes off. He paces himself, not wanting to exha…

Everyone knows Bob. Fred and his friend Bob walked into town one day. "Hey Bob!" one woman said in passing. "Lovely day, isn't it Bob?" said the next man that passed. After the third and fourth person to pass had all greeted Bob, Fred felt compelled to say something. "You sure seem to know a lot of people Bob" said Fred. "Everyone knows me." said Bob. Fred laughs. "Everyone? Hah, not everyone can know you!" Fred says with a chuckle. "Really, ill show you" Bob says confidently. Fred and Bob t…

Trump got angry with computers again... Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate. Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name: "Alternative Fax"

When Trump visited the White House before his presidency... He asked then president Obama how he managed to run two successful terms. "Simple", Obama replied, "Just get an intelligent wife" "How do I know my wife is intelligent?" Trump asked. "Just ask her intelligent questions and if she answers correctly, then you know she is intelligent". Obama then called Michelle and asked "Darling, your parents have a child, the child is neither your sister nor your brother, who is the child?" "The c…

An old joke, but relevant again An American and a Russian are arguing over whose country life is freer. An American says: “I can go into the White House, bang my fists on the table and say that I don’t like the way the President of America runs the state.” The Russian replies: “I, too, can go into the Kremlin, slam my fist on the podium and say that I don’t like the way the American president runs his state.”

The US president asked for estimates from contractors from different countries to paint the White House. The US president asked for estimates from contractors from different countries to paint the White House. The Chinese contractor estimates three million dollars. And the European contractor said the cost was seven million dollars And then the Pakistani contractor made an estimate of ten million dollars. The president asked the Chinese contractor, how did you estimate three million dolla…

Infamous Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is stil…

A chicken walks into a library... She goes up to the librarian and say, "Book! Book! Book!". Slightly perplexed, the librarian pulls a book from the nearest shelf (A Waffle Lot of Narwhal and Jelly) and gives it to the chicken. The chicken leaves, taking the book with her. The next day, the chicken returns empty handed, finds the librarian and says, "Book! Book! Book!". The librarian is extremely curious, grabs another book off the shelf (This Is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House) …

A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:"Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!" The russian answers:"Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:" Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!"

A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States." The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?" The man asks, "Why, is it required?"

There's a joke working its way around the White House recently... ...It eats cheeseburgers in bed and wants to build a wall.

During a quiet moment at a White House dinner Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State

Santa comes to the White House.... Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. ""What?"

A Russian spy enters the White House in search of intelligence. He had to return home empty handed.

President Trump bumped into Mike Pence in a White House hallway this morning... Trump said ""Pardon me.""

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh another from India and the third

What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine? They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House… After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38

Bill Clinton is showing a new female intern around the White House They finally reach the doors of the oval office and Bill asks her

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House One of the guests asks: “Mister President

When Trump visited the White House before his presidency... He asked then president Obama how he managed to run two successful terms.

Why did the Super Bowl Champions refuse to meet Trump at the White House? Because they were Patriots.

Old USSR joke about free speech In America you have freedom of speech. You can stand in front of the White House and say: ""Reagan Sucks."

Why was Donald Trump's top advisor pulled over on his way to the White House? He was rushin'.