White House Jokes

What did Obama say to Trump at the White House? Change

About Three Contractors Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contracto…

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House? So she can be pardoned.

Attention r/jokes Beginning January 20th, 2017, the real joke will no longer be found in the comments. It'll be found in the White House.

Once you go black, you never go back... unless you're the White House.

Feminists: Look on the bright side... There will be more women in the White House than ever!

If Clinton wins the election... There'll be another Bush in the White House

Walking around Washington, Joe Biden sees Donald Trump and says to him... Hey Donald! (says Joe Biden), I know I'm an ugly, bumbling, retard, with ridiculous hair plugs, so I've long since accepted that women don't find me attractive. But for your whole life, the most beautiful women have always loved you. I've wanted to know what it was like to be a man who actually gets the women. Trump says, well... you spend every day in the White House with Barack. I mean, sure he's an idiot, hates America,…

Hillary and Trump tie in the election... And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn. Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds. Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20. The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks ""9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"" The moderator says "…

What do you call the first black guy elected to the White House? Precedent.

If Hillary wins the election... Will she hire immigrants to install the glass ceiling in the White House?

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008. What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president? She will file for divorce. And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president? He'll have the White House repainted.

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in the USA? Yes. In the USA you can stand in front of the White House and shout ""Down with Reagan!"", and you will not be punished. Equally, you can stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell ""Down with Reagan!"", and you will still not be punished. (Alternate punchline: Yes, but the USA also permits freedom after speech.)

What is the only reason Bill Clinton is excited about possibly going back into the White House? He gets more interns.

White house What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist.

John knows everyone John at work brags about him knowing everyone. His boss, Mike, is quite mad at him, and one day he says ""It's impossible that you know everyone on Earth"", but John replies ""That's not true, I'll prove it to you, just says a name"". Mike, quite confident, replies ""President Obama"". ""Ah, Barack, an old friend. Let's take a flight, we are going there to meet him"". Once they arrived at the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, John enters the White House, greetings all the security gu…

Monica Lewinsky just turned 43 It seems like only yesterday she was crawling on the floor of the White House

Two Friends, An American and a Russian... There were two friends, an American and a Russian. The American was jobless and hungry. But he had an idea: he went to the gates of the White House, sat on the ground outside and began eating hay. Obama saw him there and asked: 'What are you eating hay for?' 'Because I'm hungry and I haven't a job.' Obama was outraged and ordered that he be fed and given some money. 'What else would you like?' 'A ticket to Russia to visit my friend.' Obama made the arran…

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential Race.... and the people of the US hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about 24 minutes. …

If Trump becomes president, it won't be called the White House anymore He'll rename it the Exclusively White House

Tally-whacker Bill Clinton after playing a round of golf with Supporters, notices Donald trump standing in an adjacent urinal. Suddenly Bill looks down and notices that Donald was quite well endowed. ""Damn, Donald,"" Bill said, ""How did that thing ever get so big?"" ""It's like this, Every night, before I go to bed, I smack it against the bed post ten times. That's all it takes."" ""What a good idea!"" said Bill. ""Hillary's been ignoring me lately; this could really perk up our love life."" L…

Bill Clinton is so exited about the possibility of being in the White house again, He too has started wearing a hat on the campaign trail. It says : Make America fellate again.

Trump says he wants to move into the White House... ...why not? Wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family from their house Edit: Credit to Snoop Dogg

Obama wanted to set a new record for fastest lap around the White House. He ran as fast as he could and his final time was 9:23. He was dismayed to find out that he hadn't quite beaten the record because Bush did 9:11.

Did you know President Obama can run around the White House in 11:00? It would be a record, but Bush did 9:11.