White House Jokes

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar. The bartender looks over and says ""Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"" Bernie replies ""Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!""

What are the first few things Donald Trump will do as President * Turn the White House lawn into a expensive golf course for rent * Build a huge wall around the White House and make the visitors pay for it * Pass an executive action to cancel the 2008/2012 election alleging that Obama was not born in this country what else?

Joe, Barrack, and Michele are out for dinner After a long day working at the White House, Obama decides to sit down for dinner with Biden and Michele. Even though he was aware of Biden's peanut allergy, Barrack decides to prank Biden by asking the White House chef to put peanuts in his food. When the food finally comes, Biden is furious. ""Barrack! I've told you many times that I am very allergic to peanuts."" Michelle steps in to defend her husband. ""Calm down Joe! Honest mistakes happen and h…

What is the first thing Trump will do when is the President Build a wall around the White House and make all the visitors pay for it!

Trump offered to build a ballroom for the White House I assume he will use an adjoining room for the rest of his body. Edit: Attribution to Scott Adams who originated this joke on his blog: http://blog.dilbert.com/post/138729002731/friday-trump-joke

What does the secret service man say to the other secret service man when he has to go to the bathroom? Hold on I have to take Obama to the White house.

The White House is putting on a play adaptation of Modern Family. When asked which character he wanted to be, Obama said ""Uhhh...let me be Claire.""

Stimulant 2. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does…

If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it. I'll call it ""Weekend at Bernie's""

If Bernie Sanders gets elected, they should rename the White House the ""Sand Castle"".

Clinton era joke I heard 19 years ago (NSFW) There was a Halloween party at the White House. Bill and Hillary were upstairs changing into their outfits. Eventually they come down, and Bill is wearing nothing but a potato between his legs, while Hillary is wearing nothing but a lemon between her legs. When asked what they're supposed to be, Hillary says ""I'm a sour puss"" and Bill says ""I'm a dictater.""

President Obama to rename the White House

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.....> The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does some…

I met a famous American comedian on a White House tour I walked up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and said, ""Hey, I thought you retired in 2009?""

Monica Lewinsky says she's not voting for Hillary if she runs because... ...the last time a Clinton was in the White House it left a bad taste in her mouth!

So Donald Trump wakes up in the White House one morning...

What's the difference between a pineapple and the White House? A pineapples pricks are on the outside.

Skipper This is one of my favorite jokes, but I have to warn you, it's a bit of a shaggy-dog joke. So, there's a guy named Skipper who, at his work, is known for being a braggart and constantly making things up. Everyone in the workplace knows that Skipper's always telling ridiculous stories and they eventually learn to ignore it. Skipper's boss, though, can't stand it, and says to himself ""this obnoxious kid is insufferable. I can't have him coming into the office everyday and spouting this bu…

Hot Coffee... HOT COFFEE Gotta love those grand-kids .. I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, ""What day is tomorrow?"" Without skipping a beat she said, ""It's Presidents Day!"" She's smart, so I asked her ""What does Presidents Day mean?"" I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc. She replied, ""Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, And if he sees his shadow, we have another year of Bull Shit."" You know, it …

It's an old joke, it's long, but it's one of my favorites. Dave and Mike are two friends and are hanging out, just talking and having a good time. Suddenly, the Prime Minister of Canada walks up to them with a huge smile on his face and says, ""Hey Dave! Long time no see!"" Mike is in shock and just listens to Dave and the PM chat, laugh and act lie they're old friends. After a bit, the PM says goodbye and walks off. ""You know the Prime Minister!?"" Mike asks. ""Of course,"" says Dave, ""We've …

The White House Correspondents' Dinner is ... just a big political party.

My wife and I were walking down the street. My wife and I were walking down the street when she spotted the mayor of our town. ""You should go introduce yourself"" she said. I replied ""I have known him for years why should I?"" ""You do not know the mayor!"" she exclaimed. It was then that we walked up and talked to the mayor for 10 minutes. When we walked away she said I guess you did know the mayor. About a year later my wife and I were traveling through Washington D.C. and she said ""Wouldn'…

Obama wakes up on a snowy morning at the White House and looks out the window ...to see someone has peed ""OBAMA SUCKS"" in the snow. He asks the secret service to investigate. They come back and say, ""sir we have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, Biden did it."" ""What's worse than that?!"" Says the president. ""Well sir, the worse news is, it was Michelle's handwriting.""

The White House needed a new fence So the government sets up an auction for who gets the job. An American, a Russian, and a Pakistani show up. The American bids $3000. The officer says hmm, thank you, we'll get back to you. The Russian bids $2000. Same thing. The Pakistani bids $10,000. The officer is taken aback, and asks him ""What the hell are you going to do for $10,000?"" He replies ""$4000 for you, $4000 for me, and we give the deal to the Russian.""

There was once a bee that lived in a jungle. So there once was this bee that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary bee though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit bee community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the bee enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a …