Science Jokes

Your Mommas so fat... (physics joke) Because she went light speed. Explanation: Physicists theorize that as speed increases, mass increases and at light speed, mass becomes infinite.

What did the science teacher say when the kid was experimenting with magnets? ""May the force be with you""

Newtonian physics are a good approximation for big objects that move slowly Like your mom

Two chemists walked into a bar. *corny chemistry joke* The first chemist said ""I'll have H20."" So he drinks his H20 and feels fine. The second chemist said ""I'll have H20 2."" He dies. He couldn't handle the Hydrogen Peroxide.

A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology ""Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!""

3 Guys are left on an island.. As a social experiment, scientists decide to leave 3 guys in a remote island with only a supply box to help them to survive 6 weeks of isolation. The American was tasked with building shelter, the Russian was tasked with hunting for food, while the Japanese was tasked to take care of the supplies from inside the box. The American built a sturdy tent, the Russian managed to catch several wild boars, while the Japanese went of into the jungle in day 1 and was not see…

When a neutron hits a uranium atom... Potassium. Oxide.

Writing a chemistry exam tomorrow Learned that I can't trust atoms...they make up everything :p

Four women are at a restaurant, one gets up to use the restroom. While she's gone, the other three decide to talk about their sons. The first one says, ""My son is a doctor. He graduated top of his class and bought his best friend his own private plane."" The second one says, ""My son is a scientist on the verge of a cure for cancer. He has so much money he bought his best friend a private island."" The third one said, ""My son is a world renowned architect. He's designed many of the greatest bu…

A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist get coffee at a street cafe. A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist are sitting in a street cafe watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, ""The measurement wasn't accurate."" The biologist says, ""They must have reproduced."" T…

Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.

Looking for a great punchline, for ""I'm so old"" joke setup. Joke starts like this: ""In my day, Chemistry Class was SO easy. There were only four elements! Earth, Wind, Fire, ........."" Looking for the name of a singer or band for the punchline. Possible choices so far: "" and The Temptations."" "" and Led Zeppelin."" "" and Iron Butterfly."" (does NOT need to contain any element-like name, but it could)

I was about to tell a hilarious joke about chemistry.. ..but last time I did, I couldn't handle the reactions.

This Exam Is FINAL Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid ""A"". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends. They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they…

Why is physics inherently racist? There's only two types of bodies: the free body and the black body.

I heard a chemistry joke the other day... I heard a chemistry joke the other day, it was sodium funny I slapped my neon that one.

an I.Q too high to buy A scientist tells a pharmacist, ""Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."" ""Do you mean aspirin?"" asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. ""That's it!"" he says. ""I can never remember the name.""

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are enrolled in a university physics class. The day before the exam, they realize that they are in way over their heads. So, they come up with a plan to steal the answer key from the professor's office. That night, they pick the lock, check his desk drawers, and sure enough find the 100-question multiple choice answer sheet. They snap a picture of it and spend the remainder of the night carefully writing the answers on their arms. The next morning, they are seated…

Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? The bottle of shampoo said, ""Lather, Rinse, Repeat.""

Can you please help explain this joke to me? ""One physics lecturer had left his group to complete pendulum experiments"" When he returned he asked ""Gentlemen, have you finished your experiments on pendula?"" One student replied, ""Yes, and we are sitting on our ba doing our sa.""

What would shakira be singing if she had been data scientist? Tsamina mina eh eh... ""Weka Weka"" eh eh...

A scientist and an engineer walk into a bar... The scientist says ""I'll have some H2O."" The engineer says ""I'll have H2O, too."" The engineer dies.

I'd love to tell you a science joke... ...but all the good ones argon.

I don't like guys who only make periodic chemistry jokes at parties. I usually ask those Mendeleev.

Scientist interesting experiment on dog.. Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog. For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs. For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs. For the third experiment, they cut off yet ano…