Science Jokes

The difference between a scientist and a plumber... The way you pronounce unionized.

Science vs. God In the not too distant future, a very arrogant scientist meets with God. And the scientist tells God, ""You aren't so great. I figured out how to create life too."" God replies, ""Oh, really? You can take soil and make a human?"" ""Yes."" says the scientist, ""I can extract all the necessary components, and combine them through various techniques into a zygote which can be placed in a growth chamber and develop into a fully functional human. I can even decide what characteristics…

Physics joke If Power is Work over time. (P = w/t) And anything over 0 is infinity And Time is Money (t = $) And Knowledge is Power (K = P) So K = W/$. That also means that $ = W/K So, if Knowledge = 0, $ = infinity.

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide! Courtesy of one of my Biology students

Atoms are all liars... They make up everything! Credit to wherever my awesomely lame chemistry teacher finds her corny jokes :)

A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room ... A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room when the coffee machine bursts into flames. The Physics Professor jumps up, grabs the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the flame. The Mathematics Professor watches the whole thing without any reaction. Years later, the same two professors are in the same staff room when again the coffee machine bursts into flames. This time, the Mathematics…

So I developed a new biological weapon the other day... But then another mad scientist called me out, saying he developed the exact same thing a week before. He sued me for plaugeirizing.

I took a biology exam the other day. The test asked me to list two things that are commonly found in cells. Apparently blacks and mexicans was not the right answer.

A Amish scientist...

A black man, a Jew and a Hispanic man walk into a lab... ...and do science, because science doesn't discriminate.

Bob is throwing a party He decides that to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is. Hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of the party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is. ""275"" came the reply. ""Well that's great,"" says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics. Bob and the first guest talk until someone else knocks on the door. ""Hi, my name is Bob, what's your …

Two high-school science teachers are having a workplace affair They stand across from each other on a workbench filled with testubes and liquids and other science tools. The man says ""I'm sorry, Meredith, I'm going to have to break this up. There's just no chemistry between us""

science jokes two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says ""I'll have H20"" the second one says ""I'll have H20 two"" the second chemist dies.how did he die? tell me in the comments

Wanted to write a funny chemistry joke... all the good ones Argon.

Let's take all the bad science jokes... And barium.

I walked into chemistry class... It was Boron

I told my friend a chemistry joke. He didn't react... I wanted to tell my girlfriend, but SHe doesn't exist.

World's funniest joke The ""world's funniest joke"" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes.

Tim the Conductor Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the trains nearly every day by screwing up his timing, causing other trains to have to wait on him. Tim's conducting got worse and worse as time went on. One day, Tim decided to try and …

wanna hear a science joke? Psychology

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments? Because they were for test porpoise only

The Farmer and the Scientist There once was a tornado that was so strong it took away half of a farmers flock of turkeys. The farmer went to the scientist weeping asking what the scientist could do. ""Take these beans"", the scientist said, ""feed them to your turkeys, and tomorrow they will each be as big as a man."" The next day was thanksgiving, and the farmer came back to the scientist weeping. ""Why are you weeping?"", the scientist asked, ""The beans didn't work?"". ""No"", said the farmer…

Chemistry joke (not stupid) What's Avogadro's number? 0602211023 i^am^so^funny^why^you^read^this

How do you know you are at r/jokes? The guys all look like they played football for Bronx HighSchool of Science

[Nerd joke] Yo mamas so fat... That her jiggle physics can break a gtx titan x quad sli