Science Jokes

A cryogenic experiment to freeze people at absolute zero just succeeded. I know because my friend took part in it. Don't worry, he's OK.

I complimented my chemistry professor, who's from Germany, ""Sir, you're so effervescent."" He replied, ""Did you effer see me when I effer vasn't?""

How can you tell if a chemistry joke is shitty? If there isn't a reaction.

During Social Science my teacher was talking about urbanization and asked what happens when too many people move to the same place. She called on me and I answered **""Donald Trump.""** ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^know ^^^^^^^^that ^^^^^^^^terrorism ^^^^^^^^is ^^^^^^^^the ^^^^^^^^other ^^^^^^^^reason, ^^^^^^^^but ^^^^^^^^for ^^^^^^^^the ^^^^^^^^sake ^^^^^^^^of ^^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^^joke ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^rest ^^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^case. ^^^^^^^^Only ^^^^^^^^now ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^realize ^^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^^e…

A College Scholar A college scholar stood at the top of a building, ready to commit suicide. On the ground, far below, his physics professor looked up at him. He knew that his student was going to do great things and now it was all about to be over as he stood on top of that building. The student jumped, killing himself. The physics professor, now disappointed, said, ""You know, I saw a lot of potential in him.""

My physics teacher is the chord slope of an a-t curve The average jerk

Were you home Schooled? Were You Home Schooled? Most of our generation of 50+ were HOME SCHOOLED and this is how that happened. 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB DONE WELL. ""If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."" 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. ""You better pray that will come out of the carpet."" 3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. ""If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"" 4. My father taught me …

Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed. It's science.

Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back, and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his University of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was ""how many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have?"" In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2. Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach, and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Pick…

My old physics professor: Times flies when you're having fun, Or as frogs say, times fun when you're having flies... That was a long semester

My dad just dropped this one on me and my mom We're at dinner and talking about my classes. I'm taking physics and my mother was talking about when she took it in highschool. Then my dad said anon already took physics... he paused as my mother and I anxiously waited for the punchline. It felt like an eternity until he studdered "" l-learned physics w-when I p-physically kicked his ass""

A mad scientist wants to destroy the world His assistant says to him ""but sir, wouldn't that kill us also?"" The scientist replies with ""for once in your life can't you think about someone other than yourself?""

The Physics Department didn't like my Stephen Hawking jokes... ...They all got bent out of shape.

A boy goes home after his exams... He rushes to tell his mom that he got a 100 on two exams. The mother is in shock and asks ""My goodness, how did you do it, you were failing your classes a week ago?!"" The boy replies ""Well I got a 50 in science and a 50 in math.""

Daedalus and the Labyrinth Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor. ""Listen, Daedalus,"" Hades began. ""You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworld would not be able to sustain so many souls."" ""Well,"" Daedalus replied. ""What would you want me to do about it?"" ""You are the great builder who designed the Labyrinth for…

Science fact! There is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house. This is largely due to the antelope's powerful hind-legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump.

I'm a Tumblr user and computer scientist, i'm boycotting binary computing.

Three retired professors are on the golf course. Three retired professors are on the golf course on a windy day in the desert. At the 9th tee, the Math prof exclaims, ""It sure is windy."" The English prof looks at him and say, ""Not it's not, it's Thursday."" Then the Biology guys looks over and yells, ""So am I, let's go get a beer.""

Two scientists are about the open the results of a recent experiment. The first scientist eagerly asks the other: ""So, what does it say? Is it looking like we're pretty close to a cure?"" ""Well, it appears that out of all the mice that received the new treatment, we were only able to successfully cure every-other one. So, the odds aren't looking very good...""

A medical student begins studying the effects of temperature on cow eyes He obtains three cow eyes, and labels then alphabetically. Eye A he heats up, Eye B he leaves as a control, and Eye C he freezes. As he is going though this experiment, his friend enters the room and accidentally bumps the table they are resting on. The eyes go rolling around. They quickly find Eyes A and B, but C is nowhere to be found. Finally, his friend shouts out, "" I see icy Eye C!""

The Family's First College Student Years and years ago, back when the American frontier was still in the final throes of being tamed, there was a young fellow who showed a remarkable aptitude for academics. ""Son,"" the boy's father said, ""we ain't nothing but a bunch of poor, simple, country folk... but *you* got them *brains*."" The father pointed a calloused finger at his boy. ""You ain't gonna work digging latrines like your old man; you is going to *college!*"" Off the young man went to a …

Liam Gallagher was never good in science. When asked to name 3 chemical elements, he said ""Gold and silver and sunshine.""

We need more women in science! said the feminist gender studies student...

2 scientists enter a bar... The first scientist asks the bartender : ""H2O please"" and drinks his water. The second scientist asks : ""H2O too please"", drinks it and dies.