Science Jokes

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

side-effects of alcohol. A mother was teaching her child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says ""I want you to see this."" She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, ""What do you have to say about this experiment?"" The child responds by saying: ""If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms…

An American scientist goes to a village in Turkey for a conference... The villagers want to get a gift for the American for his departure, but there's a dispute on what to buy him. Eventually they agree to hold a village meeting. Weird suggestions are made: -We should give him a bucket of hamsi (fish)... Whenever he eats he should remember us. -Let's make him a packet of out famous butter... Then the man who called the meeting, Dursun, turned and said to the crowd. -No! It shouldn't be something…

What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other? This ain't exactly rocket science.

What did one atom say to the other? ""I lost an electron..."" The other atom asks ""Are you sure?"" First atom replies, ""I'm positive!""

Two ducks are arguing in a bar about quantum physics... One turns to the other and says, 'Quark Quark' The other says, I'll have a Harvey Schrodinger, thanks'.

A Worm Student tries to pass a test in biology. Student is bad in sciences. His glance is wandering through the audience helpless. Eventually he sees a flower pot. On the flower sits an earthworm. *Herr Professor,* - says the student, - *I bet that I stick this worm into the ground!* Professor takes up the challenge. Student calmly takes the worm, squeezes some glue on it, blows on him - a worm freezes - student gently sticks it into the ground. Herr Professor says: *Well, you've passed the test…

What's a nuclear scientist's favourite food? Fission chips.

Crappy biology bar joke A few cells enter a bar. They sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves, drink moderately and don't pick up a fight with anyone. They leave the bar quietly. Because they were cultured cells..

A Nazi scientist walks into Burger King He asks for a Whopper, and the guy at the counter replies: ""Don't you mean a *Heisenburger*?""

The Scientific Method A scientist was demonstrating his latest research to a group of scientists at a science symposium. He had trained a spider to follow voice commands. ""Spider, go forward"" The spider began walking on the table. ""Spider, go left"" The spider turned left. ""Spider, go right"" The spider turned right. Just to prove it wasn't a coincidence, the scientist said ""Spider, do a backflip"" The spider did a backflip. The audience was agog. No one was exactly sure what they were witn…

Finish this joke, ""I am Christian and I believe in science. In fact, I studied Physics at a Catholic University."" So far I have, ""Physics at a Catholic University? That's like studying... at a ...""

I heard that a few of the /r/Science mods also moderate /r/Jokes... [deleted]

Why don't women run fast?? cause they hate getting fat!! edit: It's physics. The faster an object moves, the heavier it gets.

You know you are a Physics nerd when.... Yo mamma so fat she attracts black holes

Science, Philosophy and Religion What is Science? Looking for a black cat in a black room. What is Philosophy? Asking whether there is a black cat in a black room. What is Religion? ""I HAVE THE CAT""

A Little evidence and inconclusive test findings is not good enough for scientist... But a little evidence and inconclusive test findings is pretty good measurement for scientist.

My father, who is an electrician, has always been big on safety. I learned almost everything I know from that man, including all of my own electric expertise. I'm not very experienced yet though, and my latest experiment may have been more complicated than I could handle safely. He took one look at it and said ""Son, unlike that circuit, you're grounded.""

What did the scientist say to his fellow co-worker to stop him from jumping off the cliff to as an act of suicide? Don't jump, you've got so much potential!

Toke-Ville This one time, a couple of political science majors were smoking weed as they discussed US politics. A new guy in the group hogs the bong, taking repeated puffs before a senior member exclaimed: Listen here, Tocqueville is all about democracy! Let everyone get their turn. They all stared blankly at him. ""Wait, was my humor too high?"" They burst out laughing.

Every day at my 4 PM computer science class that the teacher is late to... ""4:04 teacher not found""

Why did the hipster dislike physics? Cause the system is broke, yo.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ""How much for a drink?"" ""For you, sir, no charge!""   What's 2 times 2? Physicist: ""After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!"" Mathematician: ""After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!"" Engineer: ""4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.""   Three logicians walk into a bar. ""You all want …

Damn, that girls so basic... (Biology) Damn, that girls so basic she got a ph of 14!

Just got my grades back for my computer science class. Apparently, I got a C++ on my final.